DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME OR ANYWHERE ELSEDisclaimer: The following is intended to be a work of humor. The information herein is pulled from real experiences that I have had in my wheelchair. All of the tricks and injuries have occured at one time or another while I was drinking. Do not try any of these stunts, even if you aren't handicapped. These stunts are not safe for anyone. I won't be responsible for a bunch of people getting hurt. If you are already handicapped, I doubt you really need any more injuries. Your insurance will not pay for the injuries. You will be hurt and on your own. I have many things working in my favor and I am a very fast healer. Thank you, and safe reading.
As many of us know, drinking alcohol can be fun
. Many people find that it helps them lower their inhibitions
and allow them to interact more freely with others. Alcohol is many things to many people, but it is technically a depressant. One of the chief side effects of this depressant is that it relaxes ones muscles. With inhibitions gone and muscles loose, many people
decide that physical stunts are the next logical
activity. I'm sure there are plenty of wheelchair bound individuals who have always dreamed of being a stunt person
. This is your chance.
Being bound to a wheelchair doesn't mean that you can't have a few drinks
and do a few tricks
. Your friends may be impressing the ladies and gents by jumping off the roof
, but don't feel left out. There are many party tricks up your sleeve that you may not even realize
are in your repertoire.
First, lets cover the preconditions for the stunts
you are about to attempt
. Step one is to have a few drinks
. Step two is acquiring whatever safety equipment
you deem necessary for your adventure. Step three is one of the most important. Just like an F-16 pilot checks his plane before takeoff, check your wheelchair
before you attempt any tricks. Make sure the bolts are tight and the wheels are securely attached. Your own life and the life of those around you may depend on this step.
Now you are ready to wow your friends and neighbors
with feats of disabled acrobatics. There are many basic wheelchair tricks that you probably already know. These include but are not limited to jumping curbs, falling out of your chair
, doing a wheelie, and so on. These are not party tricks. These are everyday, run of the mill tricks. In order to really impress people you need something interesting and new
. For this, I would suggest taking a few notes the next time you watch one of the Tony Hawk
specials on ESPN2. This is a vast source of ideas. Suggestions
Since we have mentioned jumping curbs, lets take that basic skill and expand it to something party worthy. If you can jump a curb, why can't you jump a really tall curb. So now we have trick #1
, jumping a curb over 12". The next obvious trick is to jump irregularly shaped objects. That concrete slab that marks the end of a parking space sure looks a lot like a curb. Sure, it's a different shape and it ends about six inches after it starts, but how different could it be
. Trick #2
, in the bag.
Let us up the stakes a little. Still using the basics of jumping a curb, lets follow the Logic Train into Impressive Trick Station. Look at a flight of stairs. What do they look like? That's right, a succession of curbs. Who needs elevators, especially when you've been drinking. There you have it, trick #3
, one hell of a crowd pleaser.
For the final trick, we are going to take a page out of the skater handbook. Skaters do what is called grinding
, which I won't explain in detail. You may or may not be able to grind in your wheelchair
, but you can do something similar which would more or less be considered a plant
. Find a table that is about two feet
off the ground and fairly
stable. The object of this trick is to plant your footrest on the table's surface in any manner possible. This one is more like a game. It will take many tries but eventually you can get the footrest up there. For extra emphasis let your friends use your wheelchair and try before you. This way you will look even more amazing when you complete the stunt. Trick #4
will certainly leave your crowd begging for more
This is by no means an exhaustive list. You will find many new
things to try the more you pay attention to your surroundings. There is an endless supply of objects and obstacles to keep you the hit of the party for years to come. For further clarification or to request personal lessons just contact the author