Now children... Drugs are bad

Drugs will make you stupid.

Drugs will ruin your brain and make you forget things.

Drugs will make you incapable of having rational conversations and making rational decisions.

Drugs will ruin your grammar and make you talk like you just fell off the back of a turnip truck.

Remember, children, don't do drugs or you won't grow up to be anything...

...except maybe the President of the United States Of America or something...

Words of advice to those aspiring



The president is the president. Be disrespectful respectfully. Especially to the incumbent.

Sometimes its who you know, and sometimes it's who knows you.

Don't forget your Friends back home.

Inevitably, you will not be what people wish for, unless of course you're talking about mom and Pop.

Remember, a perfect Democracy is a nation without heroes; it will work just as well with Bob as with Jim. But this is not a perfect democracy.

Remember, when true evil strikes, people will turn to you, even if they don't like you. Those who don't are traitors. (But don't treat them as such, Remember, this is how Democracy works.)

Remember, we are a Republic. You are an unknown quantity until you are dead. You can do anything that is humanly possible. You are the 800 pound gorilla, if elected.

Please understand that elections turn on turnout.

Make generous concessions when you can, and when it cannot be afforded, apologise gracefully.

Yes, you can get into office the dirty way, but reserve such tricks for when you are running against the anti-christ.

Term limits should remind you that people will get sick of you if you are too visible.

If you must lie, don't lie about your actions, lie about the effects of your actions. It's better to be wrong than a liar.

You are running for a position you may not like. When the dispute seems to be between the people and the government, it is easy to have such aspirations, but can you be the President when it is not the government which appears to be the nations greatest peril?

An election can be won by a party, or it can be won by a person. Any person who wins an election has survived a trial by fire. Any party who wins an election has saved a man from such. (And it wants to be repaid.)

Your attempts to attain this office will likely tilt on one decision. You will not know which decision this was until afterwards. There are no trivial decisions.

Some people will make of this a dirty game. And they will villify not only you, but your wife, your children, your family, and your pets.

If you get started after you're 35, you've probably started too late, but don't give up. The smallest hat can tilt the greatest giant.

Finally, should you attain the seal, remember, regardless of the margin of victory, legitimacy is earned through action, only through the office itself can you earn the true mandate of the people.

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