This is not for you. This is for this.
What are the chances you'll understand everything I have to say?
Lately, I've been glowing
. It's like I've been spinning in circles in a field until I'm too dizzy to stand
, and I've fallen. The world whipped around me and I took it all in. It was so overwhelming, it brought tears to my eyes. It was amazing and beautiful.
This feels good, this thing that is very new to me. I'm shedding habits I've had for years. Its exciting and scary and magical.
But what are the chances you'll get that?
Everything I want from then is with me now. I did some spring cleaning and I kept everything worth keeping. You were not put out with the trash. Well, at least I didn't put you out. I blinked and you were gone. We waited too long.
These days, everything I have is for a split second. If you play it right, that second can last for hours. Chances are, this is just me being selfish, but what do I know other than I'm bored with being fascinated by people. Writers and singers and sinners and saints and artists. Boring. Its a lot of wasted energy. The world is full of ideas and sounds and smells and places, interested faces. If I'm going to get caught up in another drama let it be a whirlwind of focus and fascination. I don't want to be sucked into anyone else's personal hell. I don't want your sad poetry and your angst.
What are the chances you'll see this as support?
I'm not asking you to be like me, or to sing my song. but, I don't think I can stand any closer than this to you. When we met, we had this unspoken bond, this understanding. And we submitted to the friendship as if it were fate and impossible to avoid. Did we realize there would be consequences for letting fate decide?
I don't know where the hell I'm going or what I'm really doing but I'm following something, and you know it has to be something interesting if its held my attention this long. You're welcome to come along for the ride. I can't promise it will be interesting forever, nor can I promise I will slow down if you need a break. But I can promise that I'm offering this for a reason, because I care about you. What are the chances you'll take me up on this?