Wanted: Supervillain minions

Supervillain on the rise needs willing and capable minions, especially in the areas of thuggery and death-ray operation. The ideal candidate will have some experience, but no messy allegiances to former bosses or entanglements with members of any super power's intelligence community.

• Must be willing to relocate...frequently.
• Must have few, preferably no, secret weaknesses.
• Proficiency with small arms required.
• Proficiency with large arms preferred.
• Type no less than 50 words per minute.

Apply in person at humbabba's secret headquarters: 12 Lorimer Street, Brooklyn, NY. Basement apartment.

Chief Scientific Advisor Wanted

Evil Catullus Enterprises International, llp, a multi-billion dollar global communications, media, information and mass mayhem and destruction company is seeking someone to fill the position of Chief Scientific Advisor for the Island of Unending Despair offices. Successful applicants will have practical experience in subatomic physics, biochemistry, genetic engineering, cybernetics and alchemy. Fluency in sanskrit, latin, cunnieform and Norse Runes is preferred. A total lack of concern for human life and slavish devotion to your cruel master is required. No incognito members of the League of Superheroes need apply.

Please send resume w/ salary history and Laboratory requirements to:

Evil Catullus Enterprises International, llp
Impregnable Fortress of Unimaginable Evil
1600 Fluffy Bunny Ln
Island of Unending Despair

Evil Catullus Enterprises International, LLP is an equal-opportunity destoyer.

Seeking experienced Murderous Love Slut for FULL TIME EMPLOYMENT

Needed: one self-motivating, well read and sexually uninhibited harlot to mill about in my fortified mansion of decadent opulence and wait to seduce, detain and murder any horny, over zealous heroes that defile the sanctity of my home. Must bring your own sex tools; lavish, dimly lit bedroom, weapons of torture and execution will be provided. No spacey bimbo's need apply, I need only a street wise vixen with a taste for the macabre. Another big hearted tart who falls for the dashing, reckless type or another floozy who has a penchant for giving up the "goods", coming like a race-horse and forgetting what she is supposed to be doing and I will lose my fucking mind, I swear it.

You must be a goddess.

You must be ruthless.

You must NOT have any fake body parts.

Strict lesbians willing to copulate with men as a part of work ethic a bonus!

Skill with throwing knives a bonus.

Must know Kung-Fu and how to do those neat gymnastic backflips accross the room.

Must have attended and graduated certified gun saftey classes.

You MUST be willing to kill, there are no exceptions!

You must be familiar with all of the James Bond movies that star Sean Connery and have a working knowledge of all of his sly tricks and wily charms (there will be a test!)

Please fax resume and picture to enclosed number and make sure to include cover sheet reading:

ATTN: Mr. ToasterLeavings - Human Resources Division

Librarian
Silicon Valley Campus
At Microsoft, information is valued. Be part of a global team and play a strategic role in the development and adoption of Microsoft products. As Librarian at our new showcase facility in Mountain View, California, you'll partner with clients within WebTV, Hotmail, Mac Development and Powerpoint (to name a few). Define and deliver strategic information services and products and be the interface between information and key decisions. This includes driving collection development, participating in the development and deployment of self-help tools, training end-users, ensuring that target customers' information needs are met by current solutions. It means answering reference questions for your clients and the virtual Librarians across company and coordinating information access via Information Services Operations team.

Responsibilities:

• Locate and analyze information to provide reference and research services to Silicon Valley employees
• Provide education and outreach on Information Services products and services to employees on site, delivering specific services to customers based on a needs assessment
• Develop and maintain tools and self-service resources relevant to unique needs of Silicon Valley customers, and to like-customer groups in Microsoft worldwide
• Develop local collection of materials to meet the needs of this location, while leveraging other collections in the Microsoft Library.
• Establish and track metrics and procedures to help determine the service and products value and success

Qualifications:

• At least 2 years’ related experience
• MA/MS in Library and Information Science, or related degree
• Knowledge of integrated library systems
• Experience in deploying self-service research tools
• Experience in a high-tech corporate environment preferred

Please send your resume in ASCII text format to infojobs@microsoft.com and indicate job code N05w8-1199 within the text of your resume.

SOURCE: http://www.microsoft.com/jobs/