On October 29, 2013, the Utah Symphony in Salt Lake City performed their 23rd annual Halloween concert entitled “Superhero Halloween” with Vladimir Kulenovic as conductor. Sponsored in part by local businesses, including the Salt Lake City Comic Con and the Utah Museum of Natural History, it was a sold out show.
My sister works for the Utah Symphony as an event coordinator, and as she knew what I was working on at the time she asked me to write a script to accompany the music selections. Below is the script with notes in asterisks (including original lines). The actors were Vladimir Kulenovic as himself and Casey Elliot as the absent-minded hero.
Since there was no recording made of this performance, I’ve included links to other performances of the instrumental selections. Feel free to listen along.
Act I
(The Symphony begins by playing Dans Sacrale from Le Sacre du Printemps (The Rite of Spring) by Igor Stravinsky. Then they move on to the march from L’amour des trios oranges (The Love for Three Oranges) by Sergei Prokofiev. This is then followed by the introduction of Also sprach Zarathustra by Richard Strauss. HERO enters near end of Also sprach Zarathustra. Approaches VLADIMIR.)
VLADIMIR
Excuse me, are you lost?
HERO
The music. It called to me.
VLADIMIR
Who are you?
HERO
I…I don’t know. Where am I?
VLADIMIR
This is our Halloween performance.
HERO
Quite a turn out you’ve got.
VLADIMIR
We do our best.
HERO
And them?
(HERO points to symphony.)
VLADIMIR
They work here.*
HERO
They look very fancy.
VLADIMIR
You really don’t know who you are?
HERO
Not a clue. It’s the strangest thing. Everything before about ten minutes ago is a total blank. It’s like I didn’t exist before now.
VLADIMIR
Well, you said the music called to you. Maybe if we play something it might jog your memory.
HERO
I’ll try anything at this point.
(Symphony plays Nimrod from Enigma Variations by Edward Elgar.)
HERO
Nice. It’s a little sad but encouraging. I think you’ve got something with this music business.
VLADIMIR
Thank you. Do you remember anything now?
HERO
I get the feeling I was someone important.
VLADIMIR
An artist?
HERO
Maybe.
VLADIMIR
How about a singer?
HERO (horribly off key)
Old McDonald had a cow. E-I-E-I-O! With a moo-moo here! And a moo-moo there! Here a moo! There a moo!
VLADIMIR
Stop! Stop, please!
HERO
Sorry.
VLADIMIR
You’re definitely not a singer.
HERO
I think I worked with my hands.
VLADIMIR
Like a magician? *
HERO
I’ll give it a shot.
(HERO waves his arms around.)
HERO
SHAZAM!
VLADIMIR
Was something supposed to happen?
HERO
I’d expect a bolt of lightening at least.
VLADIMIR
How about something a bit more down to earth?
HERO
Yeah. Maybe it’s something I need to be, not what I want to be right now.
VLADIMIR
Ah. Then perhaps this will sound familiar.
(Symphony plays the Batman Suite from the 1989 Batman movie by Danny Elfman.)
VLADIMIR
How was that?
HERO
I feel…
VLADIMIR
Yes?
HERO
I feel…
VLADIMIR
What?
(HERO strikes a pose.)
HERO
Dramatic!
VLADIMIR
Excellent! Are you feeling better?
HERO
Can’t you tell from my pose?
VLADIMIR
Yes. Very impressive...Are you done?
HERO
Yes, sorry. It’s just that pose. It just feels so natural, you know? Like I could do anything. Nothing’s standing in my way. No, sir!
VLADIMIR
Except your memory.
HERO
There always has to be something!
VLADIMIR
Don’t worry. We’ll sort you out.
HERO
But what if I never remember?
VLADIMIR
What you need is a more positive attitude. Think happy thoughts.
HERO
Happy thoughts?
VLADIMIR
Something like this.
(Symphony plays Flight to Neverland from Hook by John Williams. HERO prances.)
VLADIMIR
You obviously enjoyed that.
HERO
The music just makes me feel good.
VLADIMIR
Me too.
HERO
Still I can’t help but think there is something inside me that makes me different.
VLADIMIR
What do you mean?
HERO
I feel different. On the inside.
VLADIMIR
Something you ate?*
HERO
No, it’s like I don’t really fit in. Like I’m not a normal person. Like I’m some kind of...
VLADIMIR
Alien?
HERO
No.
VLADIMIR
Time traveler?
HERO
No.
VLADIMIR
Phantom?
HERO
Mutant.
VLADIMIR
Oh, that’s not so bad.
HERO
Really?
VLADIMIR
Yeah, everybody feels like they are weird from time to time. It’s perfectly normal.*
HERO
I guess you’re right.
VLADIMIR
Be yourself. No matter what others think.
HERO
Yeah! I’m gonna be somebody!
VLADIMIR
That’s the spirit. Let’s play a song for mutants.
(Symphony plays X2 suite from X2: X-Men United by John Ottman and Damon Intrabartolo)
HERO
That was great. I’m going to go think things through a bit. Sort through the old noodle.
VLADIMIR
Good luck!
End of Act I
During the intermission there was a costume contest for the audience.
Act II
(Symphony plays The Ride of the Valkyries from Die Walküre by Richard Wagner. HERO runs on at the end.)
HERO
Hey! I figured it out! I’m a hero!
VLADIMIR
That’s great!
HERO
I know!
VLADIMIR
Who are you?
HERO
I don’t know!
VLADIMIR
Maybe there’s something else in your pockets you can use as a clue.
HERO
Right.
(HERO rummages through his pockets.)
HERO
Okay, I’ve got...half a pack of gum...non-prescription glasses...a green ring.
VLADIMIR
Put it on! Maybe it’s the source of your powers.
(HERO puts on the ring, points it away from his face and hams up trying to make it work.)
VLADIMIR
Anything?
HERO
It doesn’t seem to be working.
VLADIMIR
Are there some magic words you have to say?
HERO
Maybe it’s out of energy. Let me check the charge. Nope. Wait. It’s candy. Mmm, sour apple.
VLADIMIR
Anything else? A wallet? ID?
HERO
No, that’s everything. This is so frustrating!
VLADIMIR
Don’t be angry.
HERO
Why not?
VLADIMIR
I wouldn’t like you when you’re angry.
HERO
Maybe I want to be angry! Did you think of that? I’m angry! Play something angry!
(Symphony plays Imperial March from Star Wars by John Williams. HERO stomps around for a bit.)
VLADIMIR
Are you still angry?
HERO
No. Sorry. It’s out of my system. I don’t think that music really suited me so well. It’s outside my...
VLADIMIR
Idiom?
HERO
Yes! Idiom!* I need something bold. Daring! I’m a HERO. I want to do big heroic things. Make my mark on the galaxy.
VLADIMIR
Like rescue a princess?
HERO
Yeah. That sort of thing.
VLADIMIR
I know what you need.
(Symphony plays the main title from Star Wars by John Williams.)
HERO
Now that is much more like it.
VLADIMIR
I’m glad.
HERO
And I know I’ve got to help people. You know what it’s like. Possession of the means to impart radical change carries an incumbent ethical imperative.
VLADIMIR
With great power comes great responsibility?
HERO
Isn’t that what I just said?
VLADIMIR
It was a little rough.
HERO
What else do you have? I think we’re really getting somewhere.
(Symphony plays the main title, Declared Love, and Finale from the 2002 Spider-Man movie by Danny Elfman.)
HERO
Oh, I’m all tingly!
VLADIMIR
What were we talking about?
HERO
Right! Super powers. I’ve got super powers. Some kinda powers. Powers I have.
VLADIMIR
What are they?
HERO
Um.
VLADIMIR
Super hearing?
HERO
There is a definite ringing, but that could be from all the cymbals.
VLADIMIR
telepathyMind reading?
HERO
Right! Okay, what am I thinking?
VLADIMIR
Not me! You!
HERO
Oh. No.
VLADIMIR
Super science?
HERO
How do you propose we test that?
VLADIMIR
Bullet proof?
HERO
Anybody got a gun?
VLADIMIR
Maybe we shouldn’t do that one.
HERO
You’re probably right.
VLADIMIR
Can you fly?
HERO
Flight? I’m not sure.
VLADIMIR
Maybe this will help.
(Symphony plays To the Rescue from The Rocketeer by James Horner.)
HERO
Yeah. I think I remember flying now.
VLADIMIR
Then go ahead. Fly.
HERO
What? Here? Now?
VLADIMIR
Why not?
HERO
But I’m not dressed.
VLADIMIR
Well, a lot of heroes where their costumes under their normal clothes.
HERO
Really?
(HERO looks down his shirt.)
HERO
What the—
(HERO rips open his shirt to reveal his costume.)
HERO
How long has that been there!?
VLADIMIR
You really are a superhero!
HERO
Holy costume change, Vladimir!
(HERO takes off his street clothes and stands revealed in his
costume.)
HERO
And a cape too!*
VLADIMIR
So you know who you are now?
HERO
Of course. I’m...It’s right at the tip of my tongue.
VLADIMIR
Can anyone identify this man?
(Audience responds “Superman”.)
HERO
Yes! That’s right. Silly me. Forget my own head next. Thank you so much, everyone. And the music was a great helped. I don’t know what I would have done.
VLADIMIR
You’re welcome.
HERO
Well, so long, citizens. I don’t know about you, but I believe a man can fly.
(HERO makes as if he is about to take off.)
HERO
Up! Up and—
VLADIMIR
WAIT!
HERO
What?
VLADIMIR
Are you going to fly through the roof?
HERO
Right! Sorry, again. Still a little loopy. I’ll just use the door.*
VLADIMIR
Thank you.
HERO
Maestro, play me off!
(Symphony plays the theme from the 1978 Superman movie by John Williams. HERO exits.)
End of Act II