Author's Note: after some feedback, I realized why this was making more than one person uncomfortable. To be clear, this is NOT a majority position, nor is this writeup to indicate the prevalence or severity or frequency of these views. They are merely here to document some of the unhealthy views society has about male sexuality when they have them. I also appreciate the notes from male noders who appreciated me expressing these thoughts here.
The damage done by unhealthy views of female sexuality are well documented. But there are a few consequences of societal ideas about male sexuality that can be inherently harmful.
- A man's worth is tied up in his ability to get sex - This is the inverse of the vile and disgusting slut shamig that comes with "a key that opens any lock is a master key, but a lock that opens for any key is a shitty lock". And it isn't just the notion of 1950s greasers going on about "Donna" in locker rooms but a larger societal idea that is reinforced by a lot of women. One of the first insults an angry woman online will go to is the suggestion that a man masturbates a lot because he "can't get any" or uses "virgin" as some kind of taunt. It's one of the reasons why a girl who buys dildos and vibrators is exploring and celebrating her sexuality and getting in tune with her body and what she likes, as opposed to the guy who buys a fleshlight because he's a no-friend loser who can't get any. But some of the most damaging shaming I've ever seen in this vein is in more than one family where they have two sons - one of whom is BMOC with a different girl sleeping over every week, and another one who's really into Star Trek. You'd think it'd be the father proud of his son's ability to "score" but to my surprise it was the mother, taking enormous pride in the fact that her son was able to bed all these gorgeous teens. The other one? Well, sigh, we hope he grows up someday.
- A man always wants sex - The myth is that men think about it at least eight times a minute, or whatever the ridiculous meme says. Truth of the matter is, though men do in fact have a drive, and often a strong one - a sexual relationship isn't him wanting it, and her letting him. One of the biggest sources of angst I've seen from women asking for advice online is that for whatever reason he's either not pestering her for sex, or leaping from the bedpost tearing off his clothes halfway to the mattress in a Macho Man Randy Savage style swan dive because she wore RED panties to bed, which she was sure was like, her practically begging for it. This also leads to people being confused as to how men can claim to be raped, which is actually a significant cause in many male suicide attempts. A man being raped by another man? Aggressed! But a man waking up to find a woman he didn't want to sleep with riding him, and then finding out he wasn't interested and threatening to accuse him of rape if he says anything? Even if she didn't do anything like that but just forced herself on him, there's a toxic stew of emotional traumas right there, especially if he can't process that he was aggressed because he's supposed to want it right? One guy I talked online out of killing himself had been groomed as a child by his older sister to perform oral, vaginal and anal sex on her - stuff he found "dirty", "shameful" and lived in fear others would discover. He was worried that getting therapy or talking to someone would have people question the part of the story where she made him do it. He also felt guilt at "doing it" to her, because men "do it" to women so how is he the victim here? This is further reinforced by the repeated societal trope that if a man doesn't take anything offered, he's gay or there's something wrong with him because that just doesn't happen. It's also a major reason why female teachers having sex with male students rarely see jail time. It was like that Van Halen "Hot For Teacher" video right? Lucky guy. Some men engage in sex they do not want simply to avoid a fight with someone about "not loving me anymore" or "what's wrong with him, is he gay?"
- Male sexuality is inherently evil - Did you hug your teacher in elementary school recently? In some places you'll get labelled a sex offender. Likewise a boy brattishly snapping at a girl's training bra strap just to bug her is possibly seen these days as an unhealthy interest in her breasts. Feminists go on and on and on about the "male gaze", and society reinforces over and over again - your desires are wolfish, predatory, repressive, aggressive, and on the rape spectrum unless you are expicitly told by a woman that she wants thm sent her way. Of course, women SHOULD be able to go through life without being catcalled, aggressed, groped, and so forth. I'm not talking about that. But when you make every single MALE freshman take a course in why "all that sex you had was very probably rape, and to avoid raping in the future here's the signed contract you need to get before the next encounter she initiates" which no woman on earth would go for - what message do too many men internalize? Keep in mind that unless a man has the attractiveness of Chris Helmsworth, he has probably never ever in his life gotten any feedback from anyone that he is in any way sexually attractive, only ever the opposite. That "nice tits!" you complain about having been shouted at from a car is a circumstance many men wish they'd get.
- Male sexuality is inherently predatory - Want to become an elementary school teacher? What's your unhealthy interest in children? It's depressingly not uncommon either for a man playing with his own daughter in a public park gets apporached by cops because some yoga-pants and North Face wearing moms strolling by with their lattes thought this was something worth investigating. We just care about the children, okay?
- Penis size is important - maybe if you have a micropenis or are hung like Jonah Falcon you'll have to compensate for that. But for most women, most men are just fine and there's more to life than the insertion of a penis into a vagina.
- Men "perform" sex, and the pleasurable outcome of it for both is entirely his responsiblity.