In this modern
age, it is the duty of all civilized
men to stand up for the rights of the frail
gentle emotional flowers that are our women
. When faced with the mysogyny
and clearly confused voices of the brutish men
of the past, it is out solemn duty to revise and correct these dated expressions of humanity's greatest folly
, the now completed battle of the sexes
. Here is a revised, emotionally neutral, gender non-specific sanitized
version of "Uncle Robin's Advice for Lovelorn Geeks
", a writeup that was correctly revised by the Ministry of Truth
. Big Brother
reminds you to report
any deviations that you find that carry a similar tone:
A little piece of advice from Roblimo
as posted on Slashdot
October 24, 1999.
One piece of advice from this
for other guys was to not look for geek girls because they would be too busy for us geek guys anyways. Now how am I supposed to find somebody who likes my interests? Anybody?
Besides, he's married to some little lady who likes to stay at home and constantly decorating, not a geek girl.
(implys an inferior person - doubleungood)
And now, here's the original text for the article. The URL from Slashdot
Posted by Roblimo on Sunday October 24, @11:17AM EST
from the everybody-loves-somebody-sometime dept.
(implys plagerism - doubleungood)
"How do I find a
I often get asked this question by young computer dudes who meet my lovely wife, Debbie, and wonder how an old ugly persons like me managed to get hold of such a wonderful persons while smarter, studlier young guys (like them) seem to strike out with every female they meet.
(implys questions not given to Big Brother - doubledoubleungood) These
youngsters all seem to
I must have a set of
rules for attracting
And guess what? I do.
(implys questions not answered by Big Brother - doubledoubleungood) Click "Read More" and I'll
them with you.
Don't Waste Your Time on Geek
Here you are, an
coder and all that, spending 2/3 of your waking time online and clicking on Slashdot
five times a day. Wouldn't it be nice
if you could find a
person who shares your interests?
(implys bad - ungood)
person just like you wouldn't be there for you when you wanted a hug
(implys touch - ungood).
person'd be obsessive
ly coding or posting on Slashdot
self, and would brush
you off when you needed
them. What you really
want is a
person who will be there for you when you get tired of staring at your monitor
and need some loving (ungood), but will leave you alone and not demand
your attention when you're busy(++). You don't want a Geek (ungood - intelligence)
person. You want a
person who is willing
and able to meet a geek's needs, which is not the same
thing at all.
persons involved in activities
that demand long periods of intense
(ungood) concentration (programmers, artists, writers, musicians, etc.)(ungood) need
persons who will respect(++) what they do and help them do it well, not women who compete
We need what are now called "old fashioned(ungood)
persons" who don't mind
cooking our meals, rubbing our sore(ungood) shoulders, and running our bath water for us. There are plenty
persons out there. They're as eager
to find you as you are to find them. The trick is sorting through the 6 billion people(ungood) on this planet to find the
person who is right
for you instead of wasting your time on
persons with whom you cannot possibly build
a long-term, mutually beneficial relationship(ungood).
Girls person in Play boy persons
persons you see posing in skin mags and on porn Web sites aren't interested
in you. Neither are the blondies you see hanging on football players' arms, and even if one of them suddenly decides you'd be a nice
change after the other
they had in
their life, you'll probably be disappointed(++) with her.
I've gone out with more
than a few "hot
persons" in my time (I wasn't always married) and I generally found them to be more trouble(++) than they were worth
persons who look great
aren't necessarily good in bed, and those who have learned how to use
their looks as a tool to manipulate
persons will almost always make your life miserable in the long(ungood) run. If nothing else, they're expensive(++). Do you have any idea how much someone like
(celebrity - ungood) spends on clothes, makeup, and cosmetic surgery(ungood) every year? Trust me: it's more than you can afford
unless you're a rock star or the
CEO of Oracle (Hi, Larry!)
(Larry - ungood), and even then it's more than
they're probably worth.
When you take off their clothes and their makeup, many "hot"
persons are really rather plain
. The trick is to find a
person who doesn't spend a lot of time and money cuting
themself up, but is pleasant to hold once all
the packaging is removed.
They'll be more likely to want
some cuddling than the vain(ungood) ones, and, unlike them, will concentrate(ungood) on loving you instead of worry
ing about getting her hair messed up(ungood).
Practical hint: ever notice how, at a dance or in a bar, 90% of the men try to glom(ungood) on to 10% of the
persons? Be smarter
(++) than those
persons! Pay attention(++) to the
persons who look nice
but unspectacular and are being ignored because they aren't perfectly dressed or made up. The best
software(++) usually doesn't come in the fanciest(ungood) box, right
? The same goes for
It's Okay to be Tongue-Tied(ungood)
Don't worry about other
persons being "smooth talkers" while you're not. Many, possibly most, of your
ancestors were even less verbal than you, but they still managed to reproduce. (See your mirror for evidence.)
persons don't always choose
persons based on slick opening lines. Indeed, many
persons tend to be put off by prepared(++) "seduction(ungood)" speeches, and prefer an honest
, if slightly tongue-tied,
persons to one who who comes across as having practiced pickup lines for hours on end.
And your clothes don't make all that much difference to
persons as long as they're appropriate
for the time and place. Be clean and neat(++). That's all you need(++).
persons who is only interested in your designer outfits is not only likely to be too shallow for you, but may also be interested
in seeing you only in your fancy clothes, not out of them. This is not the right
person for you!
There's More(ungood) to Life Than Computing
The biggest mistake I see computer-obsessed
persons make when getting to know
persons is to talk about nothing but computer stuff all the time. My
their computer all day long
as a working tool, but neither knows nor cares(++) what kind of NIC (a 3Com) or how much RAM (64 MB) it has inside. If I want to discuss PC hardware I do it with
friends, not with my
The best way to handle a conversation with a
persons, especially one you've just met, is to find out what interests
them questions! Not whether
they likes to be tied to the bed with ribbons and have her tummy tongue-tickled (at least not on a first date) but about
them hopes and dreams in life, favorite TV shows, and other general interest
things like that. Work and school are usually safe conversational starting points(++).
You've heard this before, but body language is more important than your words(--). So look at the
person! I mean
them eyes, not
them breasts. Don't cross your arms and legs as though you're trying to protect yourself(++) from
them. If you want
them arm, and
their close, go ahead. Maybe she'll touch you back. If your touch wasn't overly intrusive, returning it will be a natural
, almost instinctive(++), reaction on
You're a little shy and awkward(++)? No big deal.
they may be just as shy as you are. Don't push
they finds you at all attractive,
they 'll find subtle ways to be close to you without making it look
they's being pushy.
And if the girl finds you unattractive,
they'll let you know that, too (so you can dump her before you get too serious
). Paying attention
is the key to picking up the signals either way. If you're having trouble understanding the
they's vibes, ask questions! All
theys come with HOWTOs(ungood). Verbal ones. Ask them questions like, "Does this feel good?" and they'll answer(++). They also like honest
compliments, so if you touch the back of
their hand and it makes you feel all warm
inside, go ahead and say, "Touching(ungood) the back of your hand makes me feel all warm(ungood) inside."
That's certainly a lot classier than, "You got nice boobs(ungood)," which is a statement
virtually guaranteed to put off almost any
person who isn't selling
their body for drug(ungood) money(ungood).
In other words, you don't have
to be slick with
person, but being stupid or crude(++) with them gets you nowhere. (Unless you like stupid, crude
Teenagers Take(ungood) Heart: It Gets Better
person are idiots when it comes to
person. And teenage
person are idiots when it comes to boys. The
person who laugh
at you in high school laugh because they're nervous and, if you're exceptionally bright,(ungood) possibly because they're a little bit scared of you. Sooner or later those same
person will get over their stupid crushes on Ricky Martin (in my time it was Ringo Starr), and other unreachable figures, and decide to look seriously at
person like you. This change generally comes between the ages of 18 and 25. Meanwhile, you may have mature
d a bit yourself by then, so that when the ditzy
person of today turn into tomorrow's adult
person, you will no longer look or act like the dork(ungood) they thought
you were in high school.
One warning: be gracious, not obnoxious(++), to
person you find ugly at the age of 15 or 16. There was a
person named Jessica who had a slight crush on me in high school for some unknown
They had horrible(ungood) acne, bad posture, braces, ugly(ungood) glasses, and wore tacky(ungood), faded(ungood) dresses. She was also a straight-A student(++) -- and slightly arrogant about it. I was not nice to this
person. Hardly anyone was -- except a very ordinary
, slightly geeky(ungood)
person named Mike.
At 18, Jessica suddenly changed. It was like a movie(ungood) makeover.
They got new(ungood) glasses and the braces came off.
They got a better
wardrobe, her acne cleared up, and she stopped being stuck-up about her academic achievements. And
They grew ... breasts(ungood).
They took longer than most to develop in the chest(ungood) department, but the results were worth waiting for. You know the rest of the story(++). It was Mike all the way. I'd blown my chance by being a jerk(ungood). I still have a flat spot on my forehead from banging it against the wall(++) over Jessica.
WomenThey Are More Complicated than Computers
I think this is why so many
persons hide their heads in their monitors instead of going out and meeting
persons is harder than figuring out the hardest computer game(++), harder even than setting up a secure 200-client network running *BSD. But
persons can offer more satisfaction
than even an overclocked, dual-Celeron workstation, so learning
how to deal with them is worth the extra effort(++).
I believe the greatest frustration about
persons who are used to dealing with Open Source software is that you cannot fix(ungood) flaws you find in them. You pretty much have no choice
but to take them the way they are. For example, my
friend likes to redecorate frequently, which sometimes annoys me, but I've learned to shrug
my shoulders and call this part of
persons personality a feature, not a bug(ungood), and to accept it with the same good grace with which I accept a certain respected coworker's unique(ungood) approach to the English language.
But I take pride in the fact that I am just as much of a mystery to my
persons is to me, and that
persons can't change my source code any more than I can change
Perhaps this is the true secret
of finding a
persons to love: knowing that there is no such thing as a perfect
person, but that a
person worth loving is worth loving in spite of
persons imperfections, just as you are worth loving in spite of your imperfections
-- to at least one
persons in this world, who is probably sitting alone
right now, wishing
they could find a fine, brilliant (if slightly shy)
person like you to fill that big, empty spot(++) in