(Scene: dark, empty apartment. There is a fumbling with the lock before two people open the door and rush inside)

He: Hey, you want me to get you a drink?

(SFX: passionate kissing)

She: Fuck the drink.

He: I was kinda hoping you'd be available first.

She: Shut up.

(SFX: more passionate kissing)

(SFX: a bit more passionate kissing)

He: Oww, careful with that, lemme--

(SFX: passionate kissing again)

She: Okay, get that outta--

He: Oh, damn, you're so gorgeous.

She: Sweet-talker.

He: 'Strue...

(SFX: passionate kissing)

She: You better have a rubber.

He: What's a rubber?

She: Motherfucker, you better have a fucking rubber!

He: Oww, ow! I got one, I got one. Whattya take me for?

She: 'Bout a buck-eighty, shithead.

(SFX: more passionate kissing)

She: Here, lemme help--

He: Okay, okay. Awright, c'mere.

She: Hey, wait. Hey, wait, I gotta bring someone in.

He: You gotta what?

She: I gotta bring someone else in. He's a great guy, and I really love him.

He: What the--? No fucking way. I don't swing like that.

She: No, wait, it'll be alright, I swear. Hold it--HEY, COME ON IN!

He: Dammit!

She: Hey, guy!

God: Greetings.

He: ...

God: Ahem. Greetings.

He: Is that--Is that--?

God: I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. I am He that hath created all existence and He that will shepherd the world unto its dying day.

He: ...

She: It's God, dumbass.

He: Wh-What the fuck is God doing in my apartment?

God: I am omnipresent, am I not?

He: Okay, okay, but what is God doing in my apartment right at this particular time?

She: Well, I figured we could all--you know--have a little fun together.

He: Oh my God.

God: Yes?

He: You mean He--listen, I went to Sunday school when I was a kid, and I really don't think He's supposed to--well, indulge in this sort of thing...

She: Oh, you're being silly.

He: I mean, He's supposed to disapprove of, of, well, adultery, for one thing, right? And--And a three-way--that's a lot more kinky than I'd expect He'd be in favor of, much less participating in...

God: Truly I say unto thee, the LORD thy God didst create the human race and didst design the human reproductive system and didst decide how the fiddly bits would fit together. The LORD is not as opposed to nookie as thou hadst been led to believe.

He: But--But--doing it with humans--I mean, You're a Higher Being and all that!

God: Since ancient times, the gods have sought to do the horizontal mambo with humanity. Zeus fathered many children with human females, Astarte consorted with kings and heroes, Buddha didst screw his way all over Asia, thou canst take it from Me. So why shouldst the LORD sit on His throne and wank over the Kali's Secret catalog when He canst enjoy a quick booty call to the Prime Material Plane?

He: I--I'm sorry. I just feel like someone's absolutely fucking with my head.

God: That can also be arranged.

He: Oh God.

God: Yes?

She: Hey, there's no reason to go getting nervous and stuff. It's all natural, it's all fun. You know what they say--once you go divine, you'll always feel fine.

He: Listen, I'm serious. I really don't swing that way. And I'm really uncomfortable with--What the fuck is that?!

She: Heh. Psalm 23, Verse 4. "Thy rod and thy staff..."

He: But it's so... It's so...

God: Yes, it is good to be the King.

She: Now just relax, alright?

He: Oh my God!

God: Yes?

He: Oh, Jesus!

God: Yes?

He: Mary, Mother of God!

She: Yes?

It's sacra-salacious!

A cord of three strands is not easily broken.
-- Ecclesiastes 4:12

Contrary to popular belief there is a lot more to a relationship than sex. Sure, sex is one aspect, but the previous writeup could have been about a number of different activities, though obviously, resorting to Kevin Smith humor has its appeal to a broader audience. Spiritual beliefs do not necessarily have to cause troubles in a relationship or problems with sex. Conversely, spiritual beliefs can doom a relationship and cause resentment because of sexual expectations. Like nearly everything in a relationship, it simply depends on how much the two respect each other and what compromises can be met.

What does this mean, including God as a part of a relationship? First, one must understand that God is not corporeal like us humans. When most think of including another in their relationship, the phrase menage a trois comes to mind (wherein lays the humor of the former writeup). Traditionally people refer to God in a masculine context. Consequently, visions of the perverse mind spectacle an old-grey-bearded dude rogering one's significant other whilst looking on. But having no physical body, God has neither a penis nor a vagina so the idea that God participates in conjugal copulation is a little far fetched.

In Judeo-Christian beliefs, when a bride and a groom both believe in the God of Abraham, their marriage is considered a covenant between the three. The man and woman do not just make their promises to each other; they make them to God as well, forming the trinity of marriage; man, woman, and God. In this respect, it is ridiculous to assume that God can "get in the way of a good solid relationship." It is thought that their covenant and mutual belief makes the marriage stronger. (I understand that the divorce rate is higher in churches than in secular communities. There's a perfectly good reason for that, which probably deserves its own node, so I will excuse it here by simply stating, religion does not equal spirituality.)

This idea of including God in a relationship is more to the effect that a relationship is more secure when two people have congruent beliefs that are based on spiritual principles; love, forgiveness, trust, honor, etc. Their spirituality is part of their relationship and something they can share together. Now, any relationship is bound to have problems. People disagree. People make assumptions based on their own expectation formed by their cultural upbringing. But, akin to cultural similarities, when both have similar spiritual expectation of roles in the relationship, less turmoil ensues.

Of course religious dogma creeps its way into everything. Some sects take this to a point where a believer and a nonbeliever cannot be married. In some cases, one can convert to their lover's religion in order to receive the church's blessing. For instance, to have a marriage consecrated in the Mormon temple, the two must have been baptized as Latter-Day Saints. But converting to a religion isn't always as easy as it sounds, mentally or physically. A man converting to Judaism is required to be circumcised. This is a bit more intrusive than a baptismal. Additionally, conversion does little for how the two will relate on a spiritual level. More times than not, conversions are done as a parental or social appeasement and has little to do with actual spirituality, and to me, is akin to forcing a believer to renounce their faith.

So make sure to fall in love with someone who has exactly the same beliefs; of course that is not what I'm saying, as it is completely impossible. Perhaps one is down at the local pub or laundry mat or rec center scoping some hotties, the last thing on one's mind is, "I wonder how she spends her Sundays" (or Saturdays). But this must be considered before trying to form a long lasting relationship. For instance, my wife and I are both Christians, but we found we have quite a bit of doctrinal diversity between the two of us. We are content to respect each other's differences just as if we were from different cultures. Like cultural differences, people must be willing to learn about and tolerate their partner's faith.

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