One day Phil and Don were looking around for various nuts and grains, and beetle and locust larvae. They'd been at it for a while so they decided to take a break, and they both sat down on the same branch of the same tree.

Actually, they didn't sit so much as they landed.

Phil and Don are crows.

I don't mean they're crow-like, I don't mean they were crowing, they are crows, Phil and Don are actual crows, they are big, black birdies with black birdie wings with black birdie feathers and they have little birdie feet.

Except, they're crows, so they have big birdie feet, and they have the same names as the Everly Brothers because “Phil” and “Don” are nice birdie names and because you can't expect Phil and Don to fly around going “hey you” just because they're crows.

Anyway, Phil and Don landed on the same branch of the same tree which had never happened before and which is surprising, given how much flying around and landing Phil and Don do, and everything was fine for all of five seconds.

Then things took a turn.

 

You're on my branch, Don.

So what, there's plenty of room.

Well that's not the point. Whether there's room enough for both of us on this branch is not the point.

What was the point again, I'm foggy on that.

Look don't be obtuse here Don, the point, as I'm sure you know, is that's your branch over there. This branch here, this is my branch. That's always been your branch, this has always been my branch. You're on my branch, Don. Get off my branch, Don.

My being on the same branch isn't hurting you in any way and what do you mean, always been your branch.

I mean it's always been that way. It's just common sense.

No, common sense is, as long as there's enough room it doesn't matter how many or who or what birds are on any branch. This is like that bathroom thing.

What in god's name are you talking about Don.

That thing where some people want to tell other people what bathroom they can use. Or can't use. That thing. You just don't like change.

No. No I don't like change.  There's a way things ought to be and that's the way they are and if they stayed that way for a gabillion years that'd be just fine with me and you're still on my branch Don...

 

And it went on like that until they finally flew away.

But when it's early and I go out to get the paper, sometimes, Phil and Don are there.

Still at it.

And I read somewhere crows are very emotional creatures, that they're a lot like us.

Or maybe it's that we're a lot like them.

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