Today I kill my child.
It has been getting worse. Every day it seems harder and harder. Mostly
it has been him. Some days I am just so worn, and tired, and afraid
of what he will might do that I yell at him for the slightest infraction.
It started with other dogs. He has always been a dominant male, and
although that was a little difficult and annoying to deal with, it was controllable.
But then he started wanting to attack other dogs, not just dominate.
And then he started to lunge at people.... complete strangers who meant
him no harm and made no easily misinterpretable movements.. This morning
he bit a man. A man who wanted only to pet him. Tail wagging, he turned,
took a few steps, leapt, and bit his hand. The man was ok, there was no blood,
the skin hardly broken through his glove.. but in that instant my heart
broke. Today I would have to kill my child.
I walked back home after repeated apologies to, and death threats from,
the man. Walked up the stairs, sat on my couch with his head between my knees
and bawled. I told him he was a idiot. I told him I loved him.
I asked him why he had to go and do something so stupid. I filled
his bowl with the last breakfast he would eat in this life and walked out
the door with tears in my eyes.
I will always love you my child.