Me and Sandi used to be really tight. She always came to me to talk about her problems. I was the one she came to when she used to hate her husband, when she wanted to escape. During one of those desperate times when she wanted to leave him, I offered my apartment to her and her son. Even if she was never serious, I was. I was good at being her escapism.

She says I was the reason she started going back to church. I got her the interview to the job she's at now, my job, our office, and since she's been here, things have slowly moved up for her. She got health coverage, she got a cheap car and whatever needed to be fixed on it our boss helped her out (as he helped me out when I first started). She finally began getting help for her mental struggles and got medication. She grew content in her marriage and family. It seems she doesn't need my friendship anymore, or that I can't give her what she needs.

We fight at work a lot. There are all these things she does that annoy the shit out of me, most of which are beyond her control because she's a mother and a wife in a two income household. She's out a lot for sicknesses and doctor's appointments. I admit I am a bitch about absences. And to top it off, she's looking to replace me when I move back to VA in May. All the time I feel pressure to quit and move as soon as possible, that I am no longer wanted in the office. I do not make it easy because I get annoyed easily and want everyone else to be as busy as I am, and when they're not I get annoyed. Sandi and Tiffany, the other girl in my office, have been hanging out a lot lately too. They have more in common, it seems, because they both have children and family-oriented responsibilities. And that's cool. I'm happy Sandi has found that. I'm glad Sandi's going to church, because it makes her happy. I just don't think I can make her happy anymore.

Her life doesn't seem to have any room for me, and I guess I'm jealous of her friendship with Tiffany, even if I have little to offer her now. I guess I was only good for escapism, and now it's just over. In one way I'm sad, but in another way I'm relieved beause I remember a time when I spoke of leaving and Sandi would get all emotional, and it worried me that she would not have anyone to replace me. All the things I did for Sandi, I did with my leaving in mind: the job so she could make good pay when she replaced me, Bible Study so she would have other women/mothers/wives to relate to. All my plans seemed to have worked out, and I am indeed happy for her. But it still hurts.

Working together has not helped things, because now we see just how we are in a work environment, how irritating and frustrated we can both be with one another. How little we relate to one another. But maybe we are seeing our true selves now, and that the last 2 years of our friendship was just a phase that would soon play itself out to this point.

I will miss her. I miss her already.

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