Here's the stuff we found when you searched for "This book was stolen from the Harvard College Library. It was later recovered. The thief was sentenced to two years at hard labor"

• This book was stolen from the Harvard College Library. It was later recovered. The thief was sentenced to two years at hard labor.
• Jesus was a reactionary reformer, just like Martin Luther in later years.
• Several thousand years later and the angel was still as boring as sin
• The trail of its demise was visible from the surf.
• The day I was showering with two black men
• He was hard in all the wrong places
• What was stolen by someone else
• Two of them. Hovering there like bloated gas giants in the heavens. Good God, it was beautiful.
• all I ever learned from love was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
• Why almost every node was written in the year 2000
• She was a committed romantic and an anarcha-feminist. This was hard for her because it meant she couldn't blow up beautiful buildings.
• It was 30 years ago today, Miyamoto taught the kids to play... (e2poll)
• Seems I might have stolen the blue part of her rainbow, but all I really did was make it bigger, a way bigger blue
• I wish I was a half of a two
• This essay was due a year ago
• My Singing was Stolen by Whispers to a False Friend
• it was just as if she held her breath for 82 years
• I used to think of sobriety as a purgatory, and that to be under the influence of drugs was relief from it. Now that I'm older I believe the opposite to be true.
• The highlight of my night was two girls kissing
• I Was Kidnapped By Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
• When I was ten years old
• How my Father was excommunicated from the LDS Church
• It was the year 2000. Nobody knew what was coming.
• The distance between two atoms was the distance between 6 months ago and today
• She always was all tea and oranges that came all the way from China
• Looks like 1984 was only n years off
• If my heart was a computer, that night reformatted my hard drive
• The land of our fathers, stolen before we knew it was our own
• How I was thrown from a car at 45 mph
• I tiptoe back into myself so I can run from what I was
• I was a College Jeopardy! champion, Part 2
• I spent one year in love and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt.
• Which God was cooler, the one from the Old Testament or the one from the New Testament?
• it was years before they met again, by chance
• relatedly somehow, there was a point a few years ago when I learned how to terrify
• A poem for two pages of panel art for a comic that was never written
• Fruit cut from the vine, forgot and left to rot, long before it was time
• When I was five years old, I knew I was going to die
• It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands, I even knew they were dead
• Removed from humanity, I realized I was just another distraction
• When he removed his stilton sword from my fart valve, he was pleasantly surprised to see a toilet twinkie staring back as him. He knew I couldn't wait to lap the colon cobra off his ample cock.
• The highlight of my night was two guys kissing
• There once was a man from St. Paul
• Last year was always better
• I was a college Jeopardy! champion
• It was daylight when you looked up from your ditch
• I learned never to empty the well of my writing, but always to stop when there was still something there in the deep part of the well, and let it refill at night from the springs that fed it.
• My lunch money was stolen by a predatory Mars rover
• So there I was, naked and hiding, facing the dissertation committee from the Isle of Lesbos
• I was shaking, but not from the cold
• I wish when I closed a book I could set it on the shelf and know it was really over
• collecting on old debts from when mom was a loan shark
• Finding the origin of a Hotmail message
• That Was The Year That Was
• I was less than one hundred footsteps away from you I suppose
• It was hard to say hello. It was even harder to say goodbye.
• His collection of substances that should not exist was stolen. The thieves then killed themselves 1000 times over.
• Where I'm From, You'd Think There Was a Tea Party Going On in the Hostess Dumpster
• And the sky was made of amethysts
• There was a young lady of Riga
• if music was a woman you would have a mistress
• The real reason pi was never calculated to a high precision in ancient times
• This Was Your Life
• Since Adam was a boy
• The teachers thought I was insane
• The Day Earth Was Born
• The sky was green today
• Hitler was an artist
• If I was beautiful like you
• If God was willing to let it be
• Food was purer in the good old days
• Her innocence fell. She kicked at it some, frowned, and left it there because it was beautiful.
• Running a BBS
• Duvall, Washington
• She was an intellectual prostitute, seducing me with profound truisms
• As I was saying to my goldfish
• I'm the only person who'd ever told him to his face he was beautiful.
• When he was little, he laughed in his sleep.
• and when you woke up, your goldfish bowl was empty?
• It's really very silly, I was thinking, they are all acting so weird
• little pieces of her tragically poetic attempts at being loved that she was startlingly aware of, today
• My hacked iPhone was better
• the signal was killed
• When I Was A Baby
• She was feminine in the most displaced sense I had ever seen, a known quality refracted through stained glass windows.
• the demon was an idea
• It was too late by the time the robots came and I couldn't, I just couldn't
• Where was that stooped and mealy-colored old man I used to call poppa when the merry-go-round broke down?
• When Adam delved and Eve span, Who was then the gentleman?
• If the King's English was good enough for Jesus
• Concrete, Washington
• being a kid was great
• Was this the face that launched a thousand ships
• RIT was built sideways
• Your angel stayed long after everything else was gone
• Same as it Ever Was
• When I was a kid, I wanted to get tuberculosis
• I was burgled
• I was hit by a train that doesn't really exist
• Grammatical and syntactic puzzles
• boku wa toire
• The sparkle of this angled blossoming was invading the Earth, and Vug said, "It's spring!" I kissed him.
• She grew a little older, while he was telling her
• I can never be sure if it was real or just another illusion
• One hour there was sunlight
• How the West Was Won
• A virtuous woman was a manly woman, in the womanly fashion of being manly
• This was my mountain. You call it your valley.
• Where I Was
• And I asked myself about the present: how wide it was, how deep it was, how much was mine to keep?
• Baby I Was Lonely (user)
• I can't remember why I thought this was a bad idea
• I was monied and I needed the youth
• my great-grandmother was a Cherokee princess
• The night a princess was captured
• everyone who ever told me i was pretty was lying.
• did i really change the way you think about everything? was it the chemicals in your brain?
• The light on the bottom of the pool that you thought was real when you were a child
• I was Bullied AND I was the Bully
• Was the Alexandria baseball shooting a Trump False Flag?
• It was all awesome. Then the robots took over.
• my only pin-up was Pelé
• Back when grunge was still cool
• They wrote it all in perl but it was mostly system calls
• I woke up and was an instant scribbling fiend. crazy, my poor feverish brain
• I was a bitter, purple-haired fat girl, and I had plenty of male friends
• Wharfinger was no Shakespeare
• Even the moon was wrong
• When I Was a Lad
• Gnocchi was my undoing
• The day I found out I was a guy
• I was a father for a few days
• I married him because he was not mean
• Penis wa ge sik
• An ocean away and here he was, seeping into her
• There Was a Child Went Forth
• I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now
• Barnum was right
• The Girl Was a Guy
• When Frederic Was a Little Lad
• I was a teenage Bukowski
• because his heart was heavy, closing, like a tired eyelid
• Springsteen Was A Pirate
• Was fang ich an in dieser Stadt?
• the river was cool. I wiped off every dangerous, sacred drop.
• There Was No Leak
• every noder was once a normal human
• By evening I will have returned all traces that I was ever here
• Mister Chu was reading on the terrace
• The virgin was looking apprehensive about the whole ordeal, but for the right amount of cash anyone will take on a horse
• I went to Voodoo Donuts and all I got was this lousy concussion
• I was wrong about the color changing; your eyes are brown
• Sex and death have both spat me out like spoiled milk for the same reason. I was not afraid.
• The Walrus was Paul
• If Dr. Seuss Were a Tech Writer
• Upon my indulgence, I was dissatisfied
• There was a time when I was a better person
• That Was The Week That Was
• I don't know what he was listening for, but he wasn't listening
• It all turned out all right but there was so much pain along the way
• Most adults forget what it was like to be a child once they hit a certain age
• I was in a blindfold taste test once...
• That man was a sock puppet on the hand of God.
• Where's the kaboom?
• The first time I knew I was different
• I am sorry but when you were talking I was admiring the shape of your lips and evaluating their kissability
• There Was a Man of Double Deed
• Jesus was a revolutionary
• The Man Who Was Thursday
• He thinks a path and travels the emptiness that was there
• Go ni itte wa go ni shitagae
• There was a time before
• She probably thought your first language was English; your real first language was Joyce
• I did not need it. I was strong. I was steady. I knew what I was doing.
• The hall was littered with broken dreams and shattered concrete
• it doesn't matter who I was, all that matters is who I am
• That Thursday the Universe was curved in the morning and was flat again by afternoon
• Why I politely asked the contemporary lit major I was dating to stop writing me love letters
• She was free

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