- Latex gloves, in any situation, will make anyone horny. Doctors take advantage of this situation when it suits them; all clinics are required to have a sexual torture chamber "in the back".
- Latex is delicious.
- If you ever try to swear off of the latex lifestyle, you will suddenly be "betrayed by your body" and discovered masturbating with the janitor's smock at work. Your boss will not only understand, but will ask you to stay late at the office to help fit her new strap-on harness.
- You will never have to pee, sneeze, or breathe while you're lying between two sheets of latex in an industrial vacuum sealer.
- Gynaecologists are always dominatrices. Unlike proper doctors, their sexual torture chambers are in their basements.
- Women love to wear buttplugs nonstop, to the point of incontinence. If they claim otherwise, a zip-up latex hood will bring that desire out.
- Latex catsuits never develop tears or become inflexible.
- There are no truly heterosexual people. If you claim to be a heterosexual man, you are going to get a sex change after becoming a sex slave. If you claim to be a heterosexual woman, your husband/boyfriend is really a bisexual dominatrix that owns a torture den downtown, and you've just never noticed.
- Sexual slavery is never involuntary, and slaves will never seriously try to escape. If they do try to escape, it's only a ploy for the dominatrix to catch them in the airport and, in view of all of the people waiting in the lobby, peg them with a strap-on.
- If you have body piercings, you are going to be hooked into a perpetual motion sex torture machine at least once a month. You will grow to expect this and build it into your schedule.
- Latex has mysterious properties that eliminate unwanted bodily fluids, unless their appearance is an excuse for the dominatrix to humiliate you.
- Electricity is sexually stimulating. The pleasure is proportional to the amount of current.
- If you are allergic to latex, you can still hold the video camera. Without a video camera, there will be no way for your friends to find out your secret and to reveal to you that yes, they too enjoy the pleasures of latex!
- Crisco is a wonderful lubricant for all occasions. To clean up, put the sex slave in the dishwasher.
- Body hair falls out by itself in the presence of a dominatrix, so there is never a friction problem between the hair and the latex.
- Once you've been plunged into depravity, it's all going to end when someone seals you in a latex sex torture device forever.
- Wearing latex in the presence of a dominatrix completely destroys all free will.
- Cramps do not exist.
Love goes out to Shanoyu.