Things I've learned about lesbians from porn

I am an 18 year old teenage male. In spending my time living up to that title I've learned quite a few things about lesbians that I'd never knew before. I have to think that these things are all true, as these lesbians are professionals, I mean, they get paid for having "Hot Wild Big Breasted Lesbian Sex." I've decided to share my knowledge with you lucky people. You can thank me later.

Mild Touching creates Wild Pleasure

This has got to be the greatest advantage out there for being a lesbian. If another lesbian puts their finger anywhere near your vagina they will be "fingering you like there's no tomorrow." In fact, I think that might be one of the reasons lesbians become the way they are. If a finger does that, can you imagine how sensitive they could get...? I'd imagine this cause problems for tampon using lesbians. Remember that lesbians, use pads!

Stretch that Tongue

The tip of the tongue holds the most erotic desire for a lesbian, and more so the farther away from its respective mouth. This is quite apparent in the rules for kissing.

1. Stick your tongue out as far as possible
2. Lean your head towards your fellow lesbian
3. When your tongues meet hold it for a little while
4. Draw back

This is also apparent in cunnilingus, where the tongue barely even reachs to clit. It also comes in from the side, so as to not block your view.

Steal my Soul!

Lesbians like to have their souls taken from them. I really can not offer any explanation to this phenomenon, but it is quite obvious to the naked eye. Look at a picture, notice how the lesbian is looking into the camera? Cameras steal souls, QED.

Latent Bisexuality

All lesbians have it, it's a curse for them I'd imagine. Whenever they're on their own they are perfectly content with the thought of only women pleasing them. However, whenever they are in the middle of a hot steamy bout of lovin' and a studly guy (usually a repair man, or a delivery man) walks in, they will immediately drop to their knees and give him a blow job. This is clearly the reason there are so many delivery guys.

Well, that's the basics, I'll add more when it shows up. An odd side note though, the first two rules don't seem to hold as much merit when the breast is in question. Perhaps they are not as sensitive.

Don't forget:

Lesbians adore hairspray. A sure sign of a lesbian is a woman who knows how to lay on the aqua net. If her soul is being stolen, she damn well better look good while it's happening. It's not the color or the style that counts - it's volume, baby.

Acrylic nails are a must. Lesbian foreplay includes flensing the vagina, and acrylic nails are the least expensive way to accomplish this. They are also more camera friendly when suggestively licking a finger. (thoughts of the repair man, perhaps?)

A nipple can be used very successfully for penetration. Some lesbians are so sensitive that having an erect nipple clumsily nudged around the vaginal area will cause almost instantaneous orgasm.