Things I Would Have Done Differently


If I were…


Skeletor: I would have kept my face. Women tend to like men with faces. Also, more people with faces are hired than those without faces.


Brain (the dog from Inspector Gadget): I would have run away. Definitely.


Dr. Claw (Inspector Gadget’s evil nemesis): I would have shown my face so I wouldn’t seem so antisocial. I would also buy a gun and shoot Inspector Gadget.


The guys from Brokeback Mountain: I would have gone to a gay nightclub. It’s more subtle than making a movie.


The Joker: I would move to a city where Batman doesn’t live. It would be a relatively small town with a small police force, where I could easily get away with crimes. Johnston, South Carolina would be my first choice.


Batman: Find the flaws in the system that allows all those criminals to keep escaping. And fix it. That would make his life so much easier.


Superman: I would not, for any reason, engage in a fight with Doomsday (the thing from outer space that killed Superman). I would have sat him down, asked him what his problem was with me, and then tried to find ways to resolve our issues. If that didn’t work, I would dress up like Batman and lay low for a while.


Ethan Hunt from Mission: Impossible: I would reconsider my line of work. I would not attempt something that was deemed impossible. I would get into a line of work in which the tasks were known to be possible.


David Aames from Vanilla Sky: I would not get a replacement face. Who needs a face when you can just peel whatever is left of your face off and be Skeletor? Though, if I did do that, I would avoid fights with He-Man.


Anyone on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: I would have neglected any thoughts of travelling to deep space in the first place. Too many problems arise. Even one problem that requires a space ship equipped with lasers is one too many. Those problems are few and far between on Earth.


Anyone shown on When Animals Attack: I would avoid going near the animal that attacked me. It is a well known fact that most animals hate people. What makes them think that the animal won’t consider them a person? The only animal attacks that are not a direct result of not using caution are shark attacks.


Captain Planet: I would definitely tone down the colors of my costume. With green hair and blue skin, I would have to wear monotone black or gray. That way, I would not be as noticeable to my enemies.


The Ruler of the Universe: I would do nothing differently, as I would be the first person to rule the Universe. I must have done something right.







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