This statement is possibly one of the most painful sentences I could ever listen to someone say to me. Not only is it a thinly veiled rejection from someone to whom you're too close to get a crass, heartless rejection, but it's also a direct blow against everything that people like me stand for (or that I hope I stand for).

First, it is positively ludicrous to suggest that I'm searching only for a girl (adjust gender as necessary - girls are not the only ones guilty of this) who fits some description. In fact, I don't look for people based on a description at all. Why not? Because people have intrinsic value. The moment I start objectifying people into an abstract category into which I can arbitrarily decide to include or exclude someone, is the moment I become one of them. This statement, about the million girls, is a direct violation of Kant's categorical imperative. What I'm being told when I hear this is that it would be okay for me to substitute out one girl for another, assuming they're technically the equivalent of one another.


I attach some innate value to people. When you fall in love with someone, would it suitable to remove the person you've fallen in love with for another, more or less equivalent person? That in itself seems ridiculous. Though perhaps such a rejection is a lesser infraction of the rule, it's still awful to hear someone insinuate that I would be so shallow and morally cavernous as to judge people by some pre-set criteria; and furthermore to be satisfied with a replacement.

When I lost you, I lost an end in itself. I lost a goal, a finality, a critical, ultimate factor. I didn't lose a mere tool to accomplish something, I lost the something itself. Please don't belittle this loss by suggesting that it's anything less than what it is. I hope the world owes me - everyone else - that much respect, at the very least.

Act so that you treat humanity, whether in your own person or in that of another, always as an end and never as a means only.
- Immanuel Kant

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