*This WU will be more effective if read to one's self in the style of a televangelist. That way, the bullshit I have written will sound even worse*
Brothers and Sisters, we are faced with a problem
of unthinkable gravity
. If we continue to allow this problem to grow, the consequences
will be simply unimagineable!
Now you may ask yourselves, Brothers and Sisters: "What is this problem that faces us?"
Well Brothers and Sisters, this problem is the IMPENDING NICKNAME SHORTAGE!
The world, Brothers and Sisters is rife with overpopulation
and so the number of people everywhere on this planet
, even on the Internet
is increasing exponentialy
! This means that the number of nicknames is also increasing exponentially and so sooner or later we will be faced by a new type of famine
: a shortage of nicknames!
Now you may say to yourselves: "So what, I already have my cool nickname
; who cares about the others? Anyway, they'll come up with something."
And you are right, Brothers and Sisters. They will
come up with something. Something like "Jamie437698293387492837" or "errrrrr" or even "kshjdgafkshjgfdsdhjkgfsdhjkfgf"!! And the worst is, Brothers and Sisters, that you won't be able to blame these poor folks for their horrible choice of nickname, because by the time they sign on to a chat
room or a page like E2
, everything, i mean EVERYTHING
else will be taken! Do you see the evil
which lies ahead now Brothers and Sisters?
I bet that right now, you're telling yourselves "Muh Lord! This is terrible! There must be something
we can do!"
And once again, Brothers and Sisters, you're right! There IS
something you can do and you can do it right now, from the comfort of your own homes! All you have to do is pick up the telephone and dial 1-900-I-A-M-A-M-O-R-O-N-W-I-T-H-T-O-O-M-U-C-H-M-O-N-E-Y-P-L-E-A-S-E-H-E-L-P-M-E-G-E-T-R-I-D-O-F-S-O-M-E and donate to our cause!
You see Brothers and Sisters, we at the Church of Nirex have a crack team of linguists, numerologists, dermatologists, taxidermists and scatologists who are working 24-7 to make up new words for the English Language. That way, every one of us who needs a new alias will be able to simply order our List of New English Words
for the truly amazing
price of $19.99 by dialling 1-800-I-A-M-A-M-O-R-O-N-W-I-T-H-T-O-O-M-U-C-H-M-O-N-E-Y-P-L-E-A-S-E-H-E-L-P-M-E-G-E-T-R-I-D-O-F-S-O-M-E toll free!
So you see, Brothers and Sisters, all is not lost! There IS
a light at the end of the tunnel and all you have to do to reach the end of the tunnel is dial 1-900-I-A-M-A-M-O-R-O-N-W-I-T-H-T-O-O-M-U-C-H-M-O-N-E-Y-P-L-E-A-S-E-H-E-L-P-M-E-G-E-T-R-I-D-O-F-S-O-M-E, make a donation and save your soul! AMEN
! Thanks for listening Brothers and Sisters, I am Father
Nirex from the Church
of Nirex. And remember: There IS