been two weeks now since my mother called. Before that phone call our
last call was before Christmas last year. She had been inconsistent,
calling four weeks before Christmas, repeating that she would visit
us for Christmas and celebrate with us and etc. Two weeks passed, I
called (why did I do that? I'm an idiot) her back and suddenly she
wasn't able to make it and she had to work and it was too much. After
Christmas, the Coward told me that it had long been planned for her
to spend Christmas with him. She had been lying and blabbering
subterfuge all along. As usual. But our last deal back then was that
she was going to visit us around April the next year (this year). She
never came and she never called and the suffocating connection seemed
dead again. I knew from experience that she had somehow gone off the
deep end once more, and this time I finally decided to let it be.
then she called two weeks ago.
out that my mother had breast cancer this year. Between the repeated
blaming me for not caring about her and telling me how horrifying
everything had been and how nobody had been there for her, I managed
to sort out a couple of details. She detected something was wrong
somewhere around January-February. She went to the doctor. They
examined her and over the next couple of months, they gave her
radiation, chemo and finally surgery. The tumor had by then become
minuscule and there was no spreading. She had lost all bodily hair
and worn a wig and at some point, according to her, been so deadly
ill with a viral infection that it was a miracle she survived, but
the Liar told me that she had gone to the hospital and everything
turned out fine.
the Liar and the Coward admitted that they had been clearly
instructed not to tell me anything. The Liar said he had continuously
taken care of her, and begged her to tell me. He also said that if
she hadn't told me at this point he would have. He went on with
several lines of discussion that I didn't listen to because he didn't
get the nickname the Liar for no reason after all.
Coward admitted he had been in the wrong about not telling me and
felt very bad and sorry for himself. He promised it would never
happen again and according to him, she had not been all that ill,
prognosis had been good, etc.
was civil to my mother. I have taught myself to be civil to people,
and nobody ever taught me anything. She hurled abuse and accusations,
and I listened to her and told her to take care of herself. As she got
higher up her angry mountain, I finally told her to come off it or
stuff it, her choice. She backed down. I was told in quite plain
words to expect to be punished for my insolence. I did not care. I
still don't care. And I refuse to play this game. She can be an
asshole. I will be nice.
have been badly ill for more than half of my life. I have been
everywhere that my mother just went this year, and more. I know about
chronic pain and side-effects that never let go. I have a damaged
body in many ways, and that can never heal. All those years my mother
always cried and complained about every little pain she somehow had
or imagined, but when she finally got a little bit of my deal, she
became deadly silent. She refused to tell me and she put a deadlock
on anyone who could have.
knew, that if I had been told, I would have come and cared for her.