The Workman's Friend (also known as A Pint of Plain is Your Only Man) is one of Flann O'Brien's more famous writings. It is a poem (or rather pome) attributed to the working class poet Jem Casey in O'Brien's novel, At Swim-Two-Birds. An unpretentious character, Casey thought nothing of knocking out a few immortal lines while digging the roads. The following is his most enduring, although its thesis that alcohol is an appropriate refuge from poverty and misery is politically suspect, to say the least.

When things go wrong and will not come right,
Though you do the best you can,
When life looks black as the hour of night -
A PINT OF PLAIN IS YOUR ONLY MAN.

When money's tight and hard to get
And your horse has also ran,
When all you have is a heap of debt -
A PINT OF PLAIN IS YOUR ONLY MAN.

When health is bad and your heart feels strange,
And your face is pale and wan,
When doctors say you need a change,
A PINT OF PLAIN IS YOUR ONLY MAN.

When food is scarce and your larder bare
And no rashers grease your pan,
When hunger grows as your meals are rare -
A PINT OF PLAIN IS YOUR ONLY MAN.

In time of trouble and lousey strife,
You have still got a darlint plan
You still can turn to a brighter life -
A PINT OF PLAIN IS YOUR ONLY MAN.

© Bríain O'Nualláin


The Irish Times journalist Hugh Linehan took the liberty of adding a verse to this poem, in reference to Guinness's erotically-charged "Oyster" TV ad in 1998:

When clothes are scarce, and your flesh is bare,
And you're wearing just a tan,
When fingers probe through your underwear,
A PINT OF PLAIN IS YOUR ONLY MAN

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