When there was nothing... nothing decided that they were bored!
So they... US... created a planet commonly known now as the SUN... When we created it however it was called "FRIEND-0001".
Bloody hell he was boring! He sat there burning his little gas&.away.
So we created more friends... Colder ones!
Eventually we gave up on trying to make friends with these lumps of rock and gasses... so we selected our best 'friend'... "Freind-1024" (now known as earth). And we put absent minded little creatu.res on it... but they evolved (it was a bit like Ur puter gettin' a virus).
So now we have come to Earth as mortals to try and befriend a few of you... Ur intelligence is now sufficent.
Please communicate with us (we are patient with our children) .
Tom firstname.lastname@example.org (Ur Lord Master #1)
Stu email@example.com (Ur Lord Master #2)
Jon firstname.lastname@example.org (contact him if you would like a job)
Any good old house bricks (talk to these if you have a complaint)