I hate the way I tremble
at the slightest mistake
and I don't think I can break
this habit in 21 days.
I have done nothing but procrastinate
and willingly subject myself to the whims of fate.
"Why, how with the mighty I must not belong
and how unlike the great muses of jesters' songs."
But time and time again, I find
myself making stories up from thin air
and imagining the glorious victories to come
only to be beset by shame for being dumb.
In my despair, I shout and scream like a child.
"Lord, what had I done to become who I've become?"
Then, like the bolt of lightning
He was merciful enough not to send down,
it hit me.
I had done nothing.
I had done nothing
and therefore became nothing.
You know that tiny and barely-there voice in you're head
that tells you to move on
and do something because you're not dead?
It's irritating as hell like that 'un-snoozable' alarm bell
and my mom when she can't seem to figure out
how to use another newly developed software.
But you've probably hated
and doubted yourself for far too long
and embarrassingly dreamed
too much of the impossible before.
Perhaps 'tis true that "sometimes
on the way to your dream,
you get lost and find a better one"
Perhaps there is hope for me yet
now that my limbs hear it and are going.
I'm going, to get lost, find a better one
and finally start being someone.