Pronoia or Paranoia.
You are falling away and the thing you always wanted, the thing that will even let you *begin* to pick up where everyone else did, that will start to let you get where you want to go, which will lead you to... What?
I walked away, into the desert, looking for something.
I have been walking for a long time since.
And somehwere in the desert, I thought in despair;
"What if I never find what I am looking for? What if I find out, somewhere out there, that the thing I was looking for, and the home I left, are both long covered in sand?"
I will laugh. I will laugh for the beauty of the one bird above me, flying perfect ourstretched. I will laugh for each oasis, its sweetness and water and light. I will laugh for all the travellers I have met along the way.
And I will know that this one moment of laughter is the home and the goal, and all the rest is light.