The SAS five second knockout

An unarmed self-defense technique advised by the SAS (Special Air Service). Although brutal, it is highly effective, and will take down almost any assailant. Personally, I'd rather be armed than unarmed if I'm caught in a situation like this. Screw gun control. In any case, here it is.

1. Since most people are right-handed, their first attack is likely to a right-handed punch. Block it with your left arm. If the attacker is left-handed, reverse the left-rights in this sequence of moves.
2. Continuing the blocking motion of your left arm, continue with a two-finger jab to the eyes. Although this is a very brutal move, it is extremely important to throw the attacker off balance and hence allow you to follow up with the rest of the sequence, and this does an excellent job. Anyways, better him than you.
3. The last move should have left the attacker wide open. Follow up with a right-handed palm strike to the chin. This should put the attacker on the ground and convince him to leave.
4. If the person is still unconvinced, step forward with your left leg, swing your body around, lean in and strike with your left elbow on the chin or face. Use your hips to maximize the force of the attack. This usually guarantees a knockout.
5. If somehow the person is still acting hostile, step in, grab his shoulders, and knee him in the groin as hard as you can. At this point, you can simply walk away.

This technique has been tried and tested. However, hesitation at any step would ruin the sequence and open you to attack. Admittedly, some of these moves are very violent, but it is self-defense, after all. Practice it and make it one fluid motion. It will discourage any attacker.

I think that I saw Moe do this to Curly. As I remember it, step #2 above is parried by putting your left hand, blade outwards with the thumb against the inner edge of the hand, along your nose thus blocking Moe's two fingered attack on your eyes. Then you throw yourself down on the ground and spin around by treadmilling your feet and shouting, "Whooo! Whooo! Whooo!"

How I wish this worked.

Unfortunately, It usually doesn't. When the SAS get into fist fights, its inevitably a pub fight. Pub fights involve weapons - like chairs, bottles, and anything that comes to hand.

Taking on anyone with a firearm when you're unarmed is plainly stupid and will probably end up with you being killed. Only do it if it is a matter of last resort.

The SAS don't train for that much unarmed fighting. This is another myth that surrounds the hallowed Winged Dagger (Actually Excalibur, but who's counting?).

Incidentally, if you want to win an unarmed fight, I'd suggest bags of aggression, and a load of the motto Who Dares, Wins. Oh, and aiming for the throat and the groin might help.