I was once born by this woman with whom
I shared my sense of essence, and without
Whom I had none, for I was an organ.

Upon that instance I was embittered,
For I had wrapped my umbilical cord
Around my neck
, and the doctor cut it.


I once had prized my loneliness, and then
I had to go to school with other boys,
And girls, and I had to play by their rules.

I had to take their dumb tests, which I could,
And run to their dumb bases, which I could,
But not so well, and not without crying.


I once enjoyed my virginity, the
Utter pleasure of not giving a damn
About her feelings, or his opinions.

But then I got too good at losing it.
I loved too readily, and love ran out.
And I came only to desire it.


I once appreciated ev'ry dime,
But once I had to make them for myself,
I learned to spend them unproductively.

I made great stores of fiat bills in clips,
But drained them as a banker would, in ways
That reflected their flammability.


I came to live in the Caribbean,
Or some other non-contiguous chain,
Where there were warmth and ignorant women.

I well sustained until I felt that I
Was unsustainable, without reason --
But just because I had to die some day.


I once was killed by my optimism.
The need to drive myself to improvement
Enlightened me of my most perfect state.

That I should be perfect if I were dead,
Correcting for the outstanding failure
Of my unwillful birth, at suicide.

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