I watch a lot of movies made on the sly by guys who work at the library. I bet you never imagined hearing anyone say that in your lifetime. Well, there you go.
The movie starts with a woman giving a man a handjob under the table in a Big Boy restaurant in the 1970s. They used a closed one for filming. The scene at first seems unnecessary, and once you get to the end of the movie you will realize that it was completely unnecessary, but it is tastefully done and a quality piece of filmmaking. These are supposed to be the people who used to live in the house we will come to later.
The story centers around a house in the woods. The house has been vacant for many years and no buyer can be found. It is said to be haunted, but mostly the problem is that the house is in terrible shape and barely has indoor plumbing and only two electrical outlets with spotty electrical power rentention. So, you can see what the real problem is. If you've ever fucked the absolute shit out of a real estate agent like I have (three times), then you know what I am talking about. It is all about location.
Teenagers are terrible people. I should know. I am a sexy camp counselor who looks really hot in her camp counselor outfit. In the movie, this group of three teenagers, a White boy, a Latina girl, and a Black kid with a stutter decide to go to the house and fuck around. They are thirteen and curious little fuckers. They go up to the house and start messing about, the way teenagers do. They smoke a cigarette, which they pass around like it is nifty, play with an old toilet that is behind the house (including a hilarious bit where the Black kid gets his head stuck in the toilet), and then break into the house proper by going through a window in the back.
Does your pussy ever feel funny after a bikini wax? My feels so weird right now, like a baby's bottom.
Never get involved with a guy who tells you on your first date, in 2021, "I'm primarily into shows like Cop Rock." That isn't going to work out at all. Move on to the next selection. There is always another selection. Especially when you are hot like I am.
The kids get inside the house and end up in a dusty living room with a lot of old people type furniture in it. Apparently, the house was never cleared out when the people who used to live there lived there. They must have died or something because all their shit is still in the house, even a jewelry box (we need information on that topic here - node away) with nice pieces in it that they find in a bedroom upstairs. More on that later. We are still on the first floor. I need to put just a wee bit of powder on my bikini line. Be right back.
Okay, I'm back.
My pussy feels so good right after I put baby powder on it. Now, you can't use too much. Just a small amount. Really rub it around down there. Feels nice. Very soothing.
So, they leave the living room after messing around with some of the old people stuff and go into the kitchen where they see rats. Big, ugly rats. Where did they come from? It is upsetting to see. They run to the stairs and go up the stairs. The stairs are rickety. The banister breaks and falls with a terrible clatter as they are holding onto it. The Black kid almost falls, but he is rescued by the other boy and they move on to the second floor.
If you've ever seen a truly insipid group of minors and you just want to punch them in the face as hard as you can, know that I have. And I've done it in my standing as a camp counselor. I like to see a genuine work ethic by the time they are seven, or a beat down comes their way. You look at me, boy, and you better be ready to work or hammer time. Have you ever seen a kid after he has had his ass completely torn up by a non-related adult? Wow. Something to see, let me tell you. Those kids grow up to be malfunctioning machinists. At least in the 1950s they did. I read that in a book that was written by one of the guys who works at the library (that one was not optioned to one of his library buddies for film).
See, the way that it works with the library guys is that some of them are writers and some are filmmakers. So, they get together and option packages to each other. They can buy film rights, television rights, novelization of a library guy's film, that kind of thing. Quite a racket.
"The Decency Collective," which is a halfwit organization at the local college, was picketing the showing of this film. Awful. Mind your damn business. As my Uncle Freddy used to say, "Mind your damn business, and your dam business." He was a wise man. My uncle also used to say "Get in the drink" to the ice cubes before he put them in his Scotch. He would always laugh. Apparently, it was a joke based on how he used to throw Somalian pirates off the side of freighters in the 1990s. He's had quite a life. I wish I could say the same for you.
Don't get your goombah in an uproar. I'm getting back to the movie now.
First, though, I have to tell you that there were a bunch of middling White ladies with purses sitting two rows south of me. They were so fucking middling. I was like WTF dude? I hate middling people. There is just no excuse for it.
We've come to the part of the movie where the girl sees the skeleton of the old man on the rocking chair.. She begins to have a seizure. She has eight seizures over the course of the movie. The actress had a condition. They put her life in danger continuing to put her through the rigors of horror cinema. But, for the cinematic experience (someone ought to node that), it was well worth the risks. She did live, but she has partial paralysis on her left side. So, all is well that ends well.
Have you ever had the rigors? Makes you feel like you are dead. There are drugs you can take. I've taken some of them. Mostly, I like to stay on the sexy side, if you know what I mean. My tits are like ripe plums.
During one of her seizures, the boys finally notice the skeleton in the chair. It is a real skeleton. They really did find it there when they explored the house before shooting there. A lot of what happens is real. This makes the film extra-creepy. I bet you pissed your pants right now, Star Trek nerd. I don't know if you have read the erotic works of Grits Gresham or not, but you should. It will give you a tune-up and teach you things you didn't know about the full-bodied erection. As they say, "If you ain't got your Grits, you'll be sitting on the toilet alone tonight." Truer words have never been said. Grits Gresham. Check out some of his volumes.
I used to work at a place called "Horny Harry's" back in the 90s. I bet you can guess what that was all about.
The boys discover the skeleton old man in the old man style sitting room, what the rootin' tootin' ones used to call "the parlor." Sickmaking word. Parlor. Anyway, the boys decide that they need to investigate further, even though both have soiled their pants. It is obvious that they are taken with the supernatural mystery they have stumbled upon in their teenage way. This is when they discover the jewelry box.
Then, the old corpse talks. "Y'all seen muh Marie?" And if that isn't scary enough, he raises his hand like he is calling for a parley. Weird. But, the film progresses, as most films inevitably do, and we come face to face with the arrival of the people who used to live there. This is their grandfather. This is his house. They lived with him there. They do not care for the intrusion. The dead old man is still using the house for purposes. Now, we are not properly informed of what these purposes are, but that is one of the film's many charms.
If you can get down to the library, ask the guys who work there is they have The People Who Used to Live There on Blu-Ray. You'll be glad that you did.