The following events are 100% true:

Everyone has at least one memory of some amusing display of flatulence. It's simply a part of childhood. I have many, however one is prominent in my mind and the minds of those I experienced it with, and through time those who witnessed and smelled this event of monolithic proportions have simply come to know it as "The Fart".......

6th Grade. A baseball game. As those of you who are familiar with me are sure to know, I am an avid baseball player. The day was hot. The score happened to be 7-5 (we were winning) at the time. My team was up to bat with no runners on base and one out. I was eagerly cheering my team on in the dugout. I am, of course, always the annoying loudmouth of the team, and players on my team love me, while other teams would like to have me beaten with a catcher's mask and hanged from the backstop. Then it happened.....

From about halfway down the bench from where I was seated, there came a loud rumble, lasting about 5 seconds, which literally shook the bench. Everyone looked around wildly in wonder, having absolutely no idea what had just happened. Momentarily, our curiousity was assuaged followed by disgusted horror(and a minor thrill), as an earth-shattering wreek diffused throughout the dugout. It paralled sticking one's face into the seat of a port-a-poty, taking a wiff, then jumping in. The stench was unbearable, and, laughing all the way, the team cleared the dugout, holding their breath until they finally reached the fresh smell of the grass.

The game had to be put on hold as no one was allowed outside the dugout without a batting helmet on. Our coaches and the umpire reacted with annoyance when they saw our team running out of the dugout as if a nuclear bomb had gone off inside, only to become accepting and even slightly amused when they went to the threshhold of the the dugout and realized that something very near an actual nuclear bomb had gone off. After about 5 minutes, the raucous smell dissipated and we resumed the game.

Never have I experienced (I would say witness, but in this case it was an experience) the exit of gasses from the anal region of a person with such powerful force, and I believe I never will again. I mean, it literally did rock the bench. The kid who farted would nowadays be looked down upon as disgusting, but in those juveniledays he was the worship of the entire team. He claimed he had been "saving it up for four days," and when it came out of his rectum it was "painful". I'm sure I will never forget the events of that hot day in June for the duration of my life.

Thus the story of "The Fart."
Silently the gas arose
From beneath my Winter clothes
Settling beneath my nose.
'Twas my fart.



Others in the place I dwell
Began to wonder, what's that smell?
Like sulfur from unholy Hell?
'Twas my fart.



I shifted on the creaky wood.
Confession would do no man good,
The face of innocence, I stood,
Tho 'twas my fart.



But suddenly a horrid BRAP!!
Elided from beneath the flap
Which keeps my nethers under wrap.
'Twas my fart.



With stiffened spine and shoulders squared,
Mortified I stood and stared,
My gaseous nature, public bared.
For 'twas my fart.



At last I fell, to wail and weep,
This secret I had strained keep,
And yet could not suppress that peep.
'Twas my fart.



This story has its sullen moral,
That emissions less than floral,
Sometimes sing with loudness choral.
So sang my fart!!



On Monday, November 18, 2019, #Fartgate started trending on Twitter.

Congressman Eric Swalwell, a Californian Democrat and member of the House Intelligence Committee, was being interviewed by Chris Matthews live on MSNBC's "Hardball with Chris Matthews". The conversation was progressing well when Rep. Swalwell let out a massive fart. Live.

This began trending on Twitter when Rep. Swalwell denied he farted and claimed he didn't even hear the noise. MSNBC jumped in and claimed it was someone in the studio sliding a coffee cup on the desk.

The problem with this scenario is readily apparent if you watch one of the many clips posted on YouTube. Rep. Swalwell is in the middle of a sentence and his expression changes as he realizes he can't hold it in. He pauses his speaking as he let it rip, loudly, then tries to finish out the sentence.

If he didn't hear the noise, then why did he pause just before the fart noise, then continue on after it was over?

Yes, a bit embarrassing, but it is just a natural bodily function. Sometimes you can't choose when a toot will show up. It's unfortunate that he tried his best to deny the event because it made him appear to be, shall we say "not truthful."

But then again, aren't all politicians full of hot air and have issues speaking the truth at times?

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