The Barry White Effect

You don't know The Barry White effect? You know it. ­ It's when you hear some music with a kickin' groove and your hips start shaking uncontrollably. Then you feel this incredible urge to find a member of whatever sex you are interested in and start freaking. Then you need to find yourself a room.

Of course, it doesn't have to be Barry White. It doesn't even have to be Al Green. Maybe Pantera does it for you. Maybe even 10,000 Maniacs. Whatever. Regardless. Its the overtly sexual effect that some music has on you. Don't deny it.

Barry White is the known king of love. With that deep, resonant voice, who else could could inspire more fantasies and drenched panties? Terry Gross flirted flagrantly with him during a recent interview on her NPR program Fresh Air, clearly entranced by her guest. If Barry can charm Terry, he can charm anyone!

Barry is so cool that many humans believe his music may inspire animal passion. Researchers at the Giant Panda Breeding Research Center in Chengdu, China have decided to employ Barry in their struggle to increase the panda population. Pandas are known to be finicky lovers, most unwilling to mate in captivity. Researchers at the center have already employed a panda love doll to try and teach giant pandas the right way to do the nasty. Now they've added Barry's melliflous voice to their erotic arsenal. Barry's music is piped into the area where boy and girl pandas are encouraged to come together, for the good science and maintenance of the species.

Does Barry do the trick? I don't know, but American zoos have begun catching the Barry wave, playing his music for their playful pandas. If the captive panda populations shoots up in the next few years, we'll know for sure!

Transitional Man would like to state for the record that he has long wanted to date with the intelligent and charming Ms. Gross. But how can anyone compete with Barry?