A poignant ballad by Canadian trio The Arrogant Worms, off their eponymous debut album. It starts out like a classic ballad of the American West, but soon reveals itself as a more modern saga. It begins with a driving western bass line and saloon-style piano intro, uses sound effects including the wind whistling across the barren spaces, and closes with the sound of Dan's mighty steed bursting (reluctantly) into action.
I'm out on the range surveying the land
Thinking of the job that's to be done
My life is hard but I don't mind
Men like me that's how the West was won
I stand the pain and the suffering
For on the trail I am the king
On doors I knock and on bells I ring
Always sure that I will get the sale
'Cause I am Dan the insurance salesman
In a beat up Chevrolet I ride
I rope them in and tie them up and bind them legally
For on the dotted line I make them sign.
Well, the door swings wide, and I sense my prey
Ready to fall victim to my pitch
I tell him all about the plan
With all of its inherent benefits
If you lose an arm it's a thousand bucks
Lose both of them and get twice as much
And if you should die well then bless your luck
You'll be just rolling in the cash
The sucker signs the deal is done
Time for me to get back on the road
A lonely man out on the land
Out where the wind can blow so cold
I ride into the setting sun
With the knowledge of a job well done
But I can't rest until everyone
Has become properly insured.
Written by The Arrogant Worms.
A few random thoughts:
Dan's plan seems rather cheap with regard to AD&D benefits. In a typical group insurance plan, loss of a single limb pays one-half of the full life insurance benefit, and loss of two limbs pays the full benefit amount. Of course, we don't know what the full amount of this plan is -- but $2,000 is hardly "rolling in the cash". It won't even put you in the ground! Burial costs in $US circa 2003 are typically in excess of $3,000 - plus the considerable cost of the coffin they carry you off in.
Note also that AD&D benefits are only paid on a loss due to "violent, external, and accidental means" - not disease, not self-inflicted injury, riot, insurrection, etc. You can't cut a limb off yourself or a loved one and then claim the benefit, for example.
Maybe an agent who shows up unannounced in a beat-up Chevrolet should not be your first choice for insurance coverage.
Another Ballad of Dan that may be found is The Shooting of Dan McGrew,
though it speaks less of the man who was known as Dan than the lady that's known as Lou.
Noded in tribute to a friend. The Arrogant Worms have graciously granted permission for their lyrics to appear on E2. Learn more about them at The Arrogant Worms Dirt Pile -- http://www.arrogant-worms.com.