The Ball of Cary Muir, also sometimes referred to as 'Balls to Your Partner', is a catchy little ditty of unknown origin. Its folksy flavor probably makes it unsuitable for children, conservative christians, and other impressionable listeners. It's great fun to sing alone or with friends in a variety of social settings. Some of my favorites:

  • A city street at 2:00 AM.
  • A wedding reception.
  • A 24-hour diner.

    There are many variations. This is the version I learned:

    Four-and-twenty virgins came down from Inverness.
    And when the ball was over, there were four-and-twenty less.

    Balls to your partner, your arse against the wall.
    If you've never been out on a Saturday night, you've never been out at all!

    The undertaker, he was there all wrapped up in a shroud,
    Swinging from the chandelier and peeing on the crowd.

    The village cripple, he was there, but he could not do much,
    So he lined the ladies against the wall and he did 'em with his crutch.

    Miss Mary MacPherson was standing way up front,
    Some posies in her hand and a carrot ...

    The village postman, he was there, but the poor man had the pox.
    He could not do the lassie so he did the letterbox.

    The village magician, he was there, he gave us all a laugh.
    He pulled his foreskin over his head and he vanished up his ass!

    If you know any more lyrics, feel free to add them below.

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