So this preacher goes into a new town, trying to recover from his last failed attempt at being successful at this gig. He preaches a couple of sermons, and the response is tepid. He is quite concerned, and asks the Lord for guidance.
He wakes up the next morning with an idea. He tells his wife, "I think I know how to wake these people up!"
The next Sunday, he gets before his congregation and says, "Brothers and Sisters, today we're gonna have a real revival! I want you to tell it all! Tell me all about your worst and most vile sins! The Lord wants to hear it!"
One old guy in the third row stands up and says, "Preacher, my wife thinks I'm at business meetings every night, but I been goin' down to the bar and gettin' loaded."
"That's right, brother! Tell it all!"
One lady gets up near the back and says, "Preacher, my family thinks I spent our money on bills and groceries, but really I been playin' the slots all day down at the casino."
"That's right, sister! Tell it all!"
A guy on the first row stands up and says, "Preacher, my wife thinks that I ain't interested in sex any more, but I've been out there in the afternoon fucking every sheep on my ranch."
Everything in the room got real quiet, and the preacher said,
"Uh....brother, I don't believe I'd 'a told that."