"I am Tainted Tofu Burger Man. A combination of Soy Man and Burger Man. A combination of good and evil, meat and soy. My goal: to take over the world. Why? I am good enough to think that I would do a good job of ruling the world, yet evil enough to have the ambition to do it. I am not what I am, but what I are. Two people, as one, with two seperate lives, two seperate histories.
When I congealed into one form, I gained powers, the power to taint any food with a single touch. I know this, because upon trying to eat a soy burger, it became tainted and rotten the moment I touched it. However, a few days went by and I realized that I didn't need to eat nor drink. I am made of food, and of water.
I wonder if it is my only power. It could be enough. But not quite. I will have to go on a journey. A journey.
On second thought, my goal is too ambitious. I am too good for it. Perhaps, perhaps I will not take over the world. Maybe I will try to get a normal life and a normal job. Certianly not in the food services line of work...
I've bit off more than I can chew. With powers so weak. No but, my intentions were good, but were they?"
And two become one.
Later in the week, Tainted Tofu Burger Man #2.