In the United States, the plains of suburbia are littered with symmetrical, hive-like housing developments, where everyones home is identical. In a good number of these housing developments, committies enforce rules on what the owners of homes in these developments can and cannot do, generally speaking in an effort to keep property values higher. However, a common phenomenon of these committies is that the people on it abuse their power for whatever reason, be it to justify their own existance, they have prejeduces, or they merely enjoy having power over what other people can and cannot do with their own property.

It goes from the sane, "Well, I guess thats okay..." rules, to the rules which for which Machiavelli would have proclaimed, "'for his own good' is an argument which will eventually lead a man to agree to his own destruction."

Let us observe the gradual desent into the rules of the Suburbinazi.

  • You may not paint your house any color other than a shade of [Grey]
  • Your Mailbox must look like everyone elses. You may not make any modifications to your mailbox.
  • Your fence must be painted white, and it must have the same pattern as everyone elses. You may not use a chainlink fence.
  • You must maintain your yard, and keep your grass at 5/8ths of an inch long. Failure to do so will incur the wrath of the housing committee
  • You may not place lawn furniture in your lawn.
  • You may not use any 'water toys' such as a 'slip and slide' on your lawn, this promotes child pornography.
  • You may not place a basketball hoop upon the roof of your garage. This drives down property values by making your home look ugly.
  • You may not place Satellite recievers upon your roof. Any attempts to bring any form of joy into your life by placing objects upon your roof will incur the wrath of the housing committee.
  • You may not have wind chimes hanging from any part of your house. Any questioning of this rule is grounds for the wrath of the housing committee
  • You may not have pets of any kind. Espically Ferrets. Ferrets are easily destracted and have no cares in the world. The Housing Committee does not wish anyone to have pets that we cannot instill fear in.
  • You may not work on your own car in your driveway. Heaven forbid. We don't want people thinking greasers live here.
  • You must cover your home in the same ridiculous expensive and soon-to-rot shingles that everyone, even the High School Gym , has on their structures (only valid in Nantucket).
  • You may not park your car on the street in front of your home, even if you're having a party. Blocking the gutters of the street with a car is verboten.
  • If you do not make all details of your personal life fully available to all, you will be branded antisocial and always ignored at meetings.
  • If the above doesn't work, you may be branded the quiet one next door the next time a minicam crew comes by.
  • What do you mean you can't keep your dog from straying a millimeter over the property line? Can't your damn dog read a map?

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