Since I just got
fired from
Toys R Us, I have something in common with many other people my age.
I have no money.
I can't afford my own car. So, I get to use the family
minivan. Hooray. Well, being a
teenage driver, I like to go fast, when I can. And I mean
fast.
This past weekend I
visited my friends at
college, and on the way there, I had to
drive down a lengthy section of
476. It was about 11:30 at
night, so there were very few people
on the road. There was my
chance: the
left lane was clear, for
miles ahead. Signalling, I
pulled into the '
high-speed'
lane, and
grinned at my friends.
I floored the fucker.
Fortunately for me, the
'rents had decided to
opt for the 3.0L
V6, so at least my
Windstar had some
huevos behind it. The engine
whined through the second and third
gear (gotta love 4-speed
automatic overdrive), and once the speedometer hit 70, the van
lurched ahead as it kicked into
overdrive.
And the
fun began. The engine was already
purring along at some high-
RPM (we had no
tach), and I was steadily increasing from 70 upwards. Once the van passed the 80 mark, the entire
steering column started to bounce up and down. No
biggie, I said. My friends looked at me with
concern. "This won't
fall apart," I said, confidently, "it's a '96." They weren't
impressed.
It was then that
the most unusual sensation came over the entire
van. Apparently, at 85
MPH, the 1996
Ford Windstar becomes
the world's fastest and heaviest vibrator. If any of my friends had been
female, they would have surely
gotten off. The whole
foundation of the van shook rapidly, rattling the door
seams and making a rather peculiar howling noise rip through the car. By the time I realized I was most likely
voiding the warranty, I was approaching 95, maybe 100 MPH.
God knows what the hell would fall off the van at
those speeds.
I had to slow down, though, since my
exit was coming up on the far
right. What did we
learn so far?
Once I get the
opportunity to go 100+ MPH (hey, the
speedometer goes to 120) I'll post my findings.