In the Babylon 5
universe, an excrutiatingly annoying artificial intelligence
. It was the original personality for the Babylon 5 station computer, which was quickly turned off because the station architects realized the personality was completely bonkers. Garibaldi
accidentally activated it when he reboot
ed the entire system to change the command staff
passwords in Ceremonies of Light and Dark
. The voice of Sparky was Harlan Ellison
, famous author and conceptual consultant
for Babylon 5.
Basically, JMS' thought was, "What would it sound like if the Babylon 5 computer went bonkers? Harlan Ellison
!" Can't argue with that logic.
And without further ado
, I present to you every line spoken by Sparky:
: (Right after unwittingly bringing Sparky online)
SPARKY: Hey, what are you looking at?
GARIBALDI: Run diagnostics.
SPARKY: What, you got a broken arm
or something? I got a station to run here.
SPARKY: Fine, I'll do a diagnostic. So maybe level 42 doesn't
get it's quota of oxygen for today because I'm distracted.
SPARKY: You know, you're looking very stressed. This is not-a-good. Hey how about something to eat, maybe a nice piece of brisket
, you'll suck an orange
GARIBALDI: Would somebody please fix this thing before I go out of my mind?
SPARKY: Uh, not that my bruised feelings would have any meaning for you, but why are you having these people poke me all over the place?
I'm a perfectly reasonable artificial personality
. Nobody has ever complained before, but I guess some people just aren't happy unless they are messing it up for everyone else. You know you really should stand up straight, your mother
and I have been worried about this for years. We have been trying to talk you about it, but...
GARIBALDI shoots the lift speaker at this time, sadly ending the saga of Sparky forever.
There were an additional 3-4 Sparky scenes filmed for the episode, but they were unfortunately cut for time. :(