Something Wicker This Way Comes

I remember when I was a poor eighteen year old, just moved out of my parents' home. The apartment was unfurnished except for a few boxes, an arborite kitchen table, and a dresser with three legs.

So I went shopping. With almost no money.

I had no idea how much furniture cost because it had always just been stuff lying about people's houses. I went into a furniture store and walked out a few moments later with my eyes popping out and my jaw hanging slackly. "Holey moley", or somesuch was about the only coherent thought I could form. In this state I wandered into one of those faux "oriental" stores. You know the ones: bead curtains, cheap plates and bowls, horrid incense, goofy candles, rice paper light globes, and... wicker furniture.

Now, you know this isn't real furniture right? It's just stuff for the sunroom or porch. Well, I didn't know that. So I thought to myself, "This I can afford!"

So I carried home a couch. That's right. I carried it. I'm about 5' 2" and weighed around 96 pounds at the time. And, yes, I'm a girl. (Well, I was a girl. I'm an old lady now.) I carried the couch. That should have told me something. Well, it didn't.

It lasted about a week.

So the moral of my little tale is: No matter how poor you are, just run if something wicker this way comes.