Not so long ago a friend described me as much like a turbulent
storm. I can't disagree with this. My emotional barometer
must be about worn out by now from all the ups and downs that occur in a matter of moments. Not that I'm bipolar or anything. At least I don't think. I just have this tendency to stumble into a situation and amplify it, whether good or bad.
I had these friends once. Close friends. I was somewhat in love with one of them, though not romantically
. She was very much the person I wanted to be and she valued me as a friend. I counted myself lucky. I introduced her to another friend and they fell in love and got married. Then I went away to college.
This was the calm
When I came home from school we started hanging out together again. I discovered her husband and I had a lot in common. We were in the same line of work. Often when I visited I was found in his office standing next to him and gazing at his latest project. Envious of his talent. Amazed that he valued my opinion. I didn't realize this planted the seed of jealousy
in my friend. I didn't realize I was able to bond with him in something she hadn't been able to understand in all the years they'd been together.
Then came the storm
My friend became abusive. She accused me of trying to steal her husband from her. She accused me of secretly envying her life and wanting it for my own. She didn't know how wrong she was. She wouldn't listen to me. She wouldn't listen to him either. That's when the threats began
. The phone calls. The messages. The emails. She even emailed a college friend of mine and warned her about my evil.
Initially I reacted with guilt
. Maybe I had overstepped the boundary somewhere. Maybe I should have spent more time with her. Maybe I shouldn't have been alone with him ever. I was afraid. Afraid I'd lose this friend I loved so much.
Then I reacted with anger
. How could she think these things? Didn't she trust me? Didn't she trust him? How could she twist the truth so much? Why the fuck was she always right even when the things she said were so very unbelieveable and blatent lies?
Eventually I became a sobbing mess
. I was stressed out all the time. I couldn't eat, and if I did I threw it back up out of guilt. I couldn't talk about it because there was another friend, a common friend, who I didn't want to drag in the middle. And I knew she was hearing all sorts of lies from the other side.
One day she called me and told me our common friend had agreed that I was just jealous of her. But I was calmer now. Stronger. I didn't believe her and I didn't fall for her tactics either. I told her as much and it enraged her. I told her not to call me anymore and I hung up.
She called again. I let the phone ring.
She left messages on my cell phone, messages on my home phone. Said she would tell the world these lies. Lies her twisted mind was starting to really believe. I was terrified. If she said these things, who would be my friend? Who would believe me? People would always wonder. And what about my family? Even as much as they love me I knew I would always see doubt in their eyes.
I picked up the phone after the third or fourth message with tears streaming down my cheeks and answered in a wobbly voice. It was him. I begged him to make her stop
, told him I'd kept my part of the bargain and hadn't contacted her. Made no efforts to speak to her. That's when things took a strange turn.
He threatened to divorce
her if she didn't leave me alone.
I knew then that if he did, if he divorced her because of this situation with me, no matter what else had gone wrong in their marraige, she would come after me. She would hurt me. Such was the twisted malevolent hatred she had managed to develop towards me in a matter of 6 months.
That's when it all ended. Like the sudden dissipation
of a tornado it was over.
I had my life back
Within a few weeks I was able to check my email without thinking about her. By the end of the month I was clinging to happiness and trying to forget about them. These friends I once had.
Some people call me a drama queen.