Hey, Jen, long time no see! Well, since last week. How ya been? You got a minute? I got something to tell ya. Take a seat?
Okay, so me and Jesus were out at the Coppertop the other night, shooting the shit and such. He's a good guy to go drinking with; he made sure my Yuengling was never empty the entire night, and the breadsticks and wings were in endless abundance. You could have fed maybe a throng of three thousand hungry Israelites with all that! It was like a closed ecological system, the two of us; he would transform water into beer, and I would transform beer into water. We don't hang out much, but when we do, we're a good team.
Sorry, where was I? Oh yeah...
So we get to talking, and he's already pretty sloshed. He sure can drink a lot for such a little guy. And somehow the conversation got to you.
"Hey, you know Jen, by chance?" says he.
"Yep. We had a couple of classes together and I see her around all the time. Why?"
"Oh, nothing. Cool girl."
"Oh nothing what? You never just mention someone, unless you got a parable in the works."
"Nothing. Another beer?"
"Oh your dad! You like her!"
"What? I never said that."
"You like her, otherwise, you wouldn't have just mentioned her out of the blue and then tried to back out of it. I know you, Jesus. You were like this with that one chick, what was her name..?"
"Yeah, Miriam. You'd be giving a sermon or performing a miracle or something, and then she'd show up, and your entire demeanor changed. You could have cut the sexual tension between you two with a gladius."
"That was almost two thousand years ago. I'm so over her."
"But now there's Jen. I'll be hearing about her from you until the sun goes nova and obliterates your pappa's little green footstool. I think I might need another drink."
And so he obliges me. We sit in silence for a few minutes.
"Look, please don't tell anyone, okay? That would fuck everything up."
As I was about halfway through my beer and sinking fast, I raised my right hand and nodded. We didn't talk about it for the rest of the night.
It feels kinda bad to tell you this, but I never swore anything, so I'm pretty sure I'm good. Jesus loves you. I just thought I should let you know.