The room's bright and I'm hung over. I feel a violent seizure coming on, but what can I do? Wish it away? Besides even if I could it's too hard to care anymore. I know it sounds odd but they're starting not to bother me, except the clean up. There is nothing in this world like cleaning a mixture of your own excrement, urine and vomit out of your bed sheets... but that's not what's important, what's important is that I'm starting to gain immunities...
I knew from the beginning that my neuro bacteria would have a tough time against the human immune system, but I had hoped that in the end it would come to a balance. I guess it was foolish to have expected something useable off of stolen soviet cultures and used Hong Kong equipment, but I was young and sober, two things I've since remedied. The idea was that the bacteria would bridge the larger gaps in the brain's synapses and allow a larger percentage to be used. Unfortunately when these bacteria are eliminated by phagocytes they're removal is as if you've had a violent lobotomy. Add to that that they are rarely destroyed one at a time and you might understand the pain. I wish I could have. This sudden shift from sensory overload down to subhuman awareness causes seizures greater than I've ever seen in any of my patients.
I thought this would be the great discovery of the century not to mention the solution to countless forms of paralysis. My colleagues saw the dangers of withdrawal I chose to ignore, god only knows why I ignored them. I was forced to become my own little white mouse. I woke up at seven AM and before I was even capable of rational thought had a 5 in. needle entering my spinal cord through the back of my neck. The cold, tight pressure caused me to pass out after only a few seconds. When I woke up I was bleeding; the needle had been ripped out of me when I fell, but I didn't care. The world had changed, or rather my perception of it had, but what's the difference? I looked outside and could now easily distinguish the impossibly subtle patterns in the growth rate of the grass in the courtyard, and the changes in degree of refraction of the sunlight through the window.
I decided to wander. I exposed myself to a world more structured, more beautiful than even the classic philosopher mathematicians had imagined. I went from place to place understanding every minute detail I came in contact with. It was overwhelming, but at the same time calming to know that there was far less chaos in the world than we're made to believe.
Sharp searing pain flooded through my body as I fell to the street in the entertainment district of my metropolis. At first I thought my senses were finally being overload by all the lights, sounds, smells... But that wasn't it, as I stood up I felt empty, as if I'd just had my stomach ripped open and my guts had poured out, except assumably less painful. I began to understand as the pain came again, this time followed closely by a third, and then even more. I lost total control of my world and passed out again.
Ordinary perception seemed so bland when I came to. I knew I had to try again, and that I had to perfect it, and so an addiction was born, and I'm its only addict. No support groups, no patch, no propaganda, just me and deaths shadow. The more I use the fewer connections I have when I come down. It's gotten to the point where I can't even walk without the shit any more.
I'm getting more paranoid the more I take it. You can't imagine the fear of loosing so much perception. I fear I'll hurt someone soon if I don't kill myself first...