Habitually idle and lazy; dull;
I wake up on Sundays and turn off my
alarm clock, sure I will be out of bed in a
minute and showered in ten and dressed in twenty.
I have a list of things that need to be done not
too pressingly; file
bank statements, fold clean
laundry on chair, unpack books, hang posters.
When it is six o'clock I am scared to find myself
still in pajama pants and resign myself to long
evening home with
fat foods.
Slow; having little motion
After a while
the humming in an office full of computer geeks
will get to me. My eyes have been hard to focus
and it seems like the text on my screen is fuzzier
and I find myself leaning forward and
squinting more often. My legs ache with the same relaxed position and my head feels like it could fall forward or backwards and the air would not
breathe.
I have not been going to the gym, I
have been lying. I bring my sneakers and leggings
and sports bra and tee shirt to work and then I sit
in an evenly heated dying cubicle and look at the gym bag
confusedly.
Having no power to move one's self
or itself; inert.
My life seems to be
stagnating. I do not work on my current task at
work even though I have the answers and need just type
a few hours of effort. I am not searching nor finding,
I am dragging my way from day to day to day, early
late middling nights and the toes of my shoes are
scuffed from the way I move my feet. No lift, I am
barely breathing.