I just really want to write something here. As I am writing this sentence I still do not know what the next sentence will be. I just got that itch. You know what I'm talking about. I am tired. I never get good sleep. RS doesn't, either. We're two sleepless peas in a pod. Sleepless in St. Louis. Is that a movie yet? Somebody call Tom Hanks. No wait. Seth Rogen this time. And the female lead? How about Tara Lynne Barr? She's a saucy young firecracker, stole the show in God Bless America, truth be told. I just had a new sleep study done. Hey that was my very first E2 writeup, did you know? My CPAP machine needs an up in pressure. RS has one, too. What a funny thing to have in common with your lover. No we're not together tonight. We sleep like shit together or apart. I am sitting here writing this avoiding sleep. I could also be working on my online portfolio. It's not done. It's not even up yet, I just purchased it and set up the hosting. I need to work on it. I really do. It's hindering my job search, not having one.
Unemployment just fucking blows. You know it. You've been there. You make and take all the phone calls. Send and receive all the emails. You hand-wring over your resume. You sit around feeling useless when you are not actively doing something to get that job. You watch The Price is Right, cheer on the Plinko players, make fun of the bidders who make really stupid bids, and mock the announcer guy "A NEW CARRRR!!" trying to make a more ridiculous announcer guy voice, yknow, to try to out-ridick him. And then your joy breaks when you realize that what you should really be doing at that time of day is designing and/or coding a website and getting paid for it. Or, whatever that job you had is. The longer it draws on the more futile it seems. It really starts to get to you, you go on interview after interview, and as each one passes on you,the words of encouragement you keep telling yourself seem more hollow ("Oh, you just lost out, you'll get the next one, still competition and all!") and you start to realize that there's a reason they're passing on you, and that's because you suck; why the previous companies didn't hire you will be the reasons the next ten or twenty companies you see won't hire you. So what's the point? Oh yes. That's right. Looking for a new job is your job now. And you're getting paid a tiny bit of money to do it. It's not enough to pay your rent, though. I've been living off withdrawing from my IRA. I am almost flat-ass broke. I'm not looking for pity, though. I'm just reporting the facts. When I'm done draining that IRA (the only retirement account I have that still has money in it, as I'd drained the other one after moving out) that is when I will truly be fucked. Oh well. Kay serrah or however the hell that's spelled. I don't feel like looking it up, sorry. I'll get another job. It is firmly a when, not if. But I'd please like it to be before I completely, totally, run out of money, so yeah, before I'm homeless. #Kthanxbai.
My ten-year-old says something is bothering him. But he will not say what. He says "it's personal." What the hell is this shit? It's too early, don't they have to be a teenager before they get all broody and won't tell you what's wrong, and, like, eat all the food?
Let's see. What else? Oh Halloween is coming soon. The second-most wonderful time of the year. I am sick of my kids wearing stupid, unoriginal, cheap store-bought, factory-made costumes that they end up wearing year after year. So they are waaaaayyy into Pokemon. OK. We all have our faults. California has many. So anyway, I told them last week to pick out a Pokemon and I'd try to make/buy/something a costume for them for that Pokemon. They love the idea! I have no fucking idea how I'm going to do it, though. This is sort of like how I am trying to feed them better, healthier, more nutritious food, instead of them eating crap all the time (like they eat over at the other place). I want to elevate their Halloween. Also their Christmas. I can't wait until Christmas. I am going all out for both Halloween and Christmas. This will be the first Halloween and Christmas in over two years that I will actually enjoy. I am free to do and decorate how I want. AND THEY WILL OCCUR IN A CLEAN HOUSE FOR A CHANGE. It's going to be so so beautiful. The Christmas tree won't need to be put up in a nice little island surrounded by piles and piles of shit. I will be free to transform the entire house into a Winter Wonderland. I am going to fucking deck my hall.
I'm trying to keep my spirits up, though. Life keeps knocking me on my ass over and over again in the 2010s, and I just keep getting back up. I'm fucking Rocky or something. But geez, enough already.