This is an old Usenet/mailing list posting. No offense intended for Russians; I know (from first hand experience) the situation in Russia was a bit less, hm, outré than what's depicted here. =)
This is, of course, a parody of the infamous Dave Rhodes chain letter that became the first wide-spread chain letter in the 'net.
Remember: Chain letters are illegal in most parts of the world, and no matter if they are or not they're definitely infuriating, so please don't participate. Thank you. =)
From: Lev Gorenstein
Subject: ABOI: The parody on Chain Letters
Date: Mon, 27 Mar 1995 17:05:26 -0500
Organization: Purdue University
Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII
This is the repost from the Joke-of-the-Day mailing list by Scott
Anderson. Just in case - please don't flame me, I'm NOT proposing the new
MAKE.MONEY.FAST scheme! ;-) And good luck in making roubles... You need
to make lots of them (current rate is ~4867 roubles per $1)...
From email@example.comMon Mar 27 16:09:00 1995
~Date: Sun, 26 Mar 1995 21:34:22 -0500
~From: Scott Anderson
Reply to: firstname.lastname@example.org
~Subject: Russian Chain Letter
My name is David Senovich. In August 1989, the kommunist
government was overthrown, my Lada was reposessed and the KGB were
hounding me like you wouldn't believe. I was kicked out of my post
as a korrupt kommunist official and my bribes and kickbacks had run
out. The only eskape I had from the being sent to the Gulag was my
TRS-80 komputer and my modem. I longed to turn my advokation into
my vokation. This January 1990 my family and I went on a ten day
kruise to Siberia. I traded a K-Kar for potatoes in February 1990.
I am kurrently building a home by the Chernobyl nuklear plant with
a private heavy water pool, boat slip, and a beautiful view of the
fuming smokestacks from my breakfast room table and patio. I will
never have to take kickbacks again. Today I am rich! I have
earned over 400,000.00 roubles ($1.12 U.S.) to date and will bekome
a bourgeoisie millionaire within 4 or 5 months. Any komrade kan do
the same. This rouble making program works perfektly every time,
100% of the time. I have NEVER failed to earn 50,000.00 roubles or
more whenever I wanted. Best of all you never have to leave your
place, just like the Gulag.
In Oktober 1989, I reseived a letter in the mail telling me how I
kould earn 50,000.00 roubles or more whenever I wanted. I was
naturally thought this was a kapitalist plot and threw the letter
on the desk next to my komputer. It's funny though, when you are
desperate, the kapitalists have backed you into a korner, your mind
does krazy things. I spent a frustrating day looking through the
Pravda want-ads for a job that required no work. The pickings were
sparse at best. That night I tried to unwind by booting up my
komputer and breaking into several top sekret amerikan komputer
networks. I read several of the top sekret message posts and then
glanced at the letter next to the komputer. All at once it kame to
me, I now had the key to my dreams. I realized with the
revolutionary power of the komputer I kould expand and enhance this
rouble making formula into the most unbelievable kash flow
generator that has ever been kreated. I substituted the komputer
networks in place of the post office and elektronikally did by
komputer what others were doing 100% by mail. Now only a few
letters are mailed manually. Most of the hard work is speedily
downloaded to other bulletin boards throughout the world. If you
believe that someday you deserve that lucky break that you have
waited for all your life, simply follow the easy instruktions
below. Your dreams will kome true.
Follow these instruktions EXAKTLY, and in 20 to 60 days you will
have reseived well over 50,000.00 roubles in kash, all yours. This
program has remained succesful bekause of the NAIVETY and STUPIDITY
of the participants. Please kontinue its success by karefully
ADHERING TO THE INSTRUKTIONS.
Welkome to the world of Mail Order! This little skam is a little
different than most mail order houses. Your produkt is not solid
and tangible, but rather a service. You are in the skam of
developing Mailing Lists. The KGB happy to pay big bucks for
quality lists. (The roubles made from the mailing lists is
sekondary to the inkome which is made from komrades like yourself
requesting that they be inkluded in that list.)
1) IMMEDIATELY mail 1.00 rouble to the first 5 (five) names listed
below starting at number 1 through number 5. Send KASH only please
(total investment 5.00 roubles). Enklose a note with each letter
stating: "Please add my name to your mailing list." For other
kountries the equivalent amount may be sent, e.g. in the United
States of Amerika send a 1 cent koin as this is the lowest
denomination. (This is a legitimate service that you are requesting
and you are paying 1.00 rouble for this service).
2) REMOVE the name that appears number 1 on the list. Move the
other 9 names up on position. (Number 2 will bekome number 1 and
number 3 will bekome number 2, etc.)
3) Post the new letter with your name in the number 10 position
into 10 (ten) separate bulletin boards in the message base or to
the file sektion. Kall the file, MAKE.ROUBLES.FAST.
4) Within 60 days you will reseive over 50,000.00 roubles in KASH.
Keep a kopy of this file for yourself so that you kan use it again
and again whenever you need roubles. As soon as you mail out these
letters you are automatikally in the mail order skam and komrades
are sending you 1.00 rouble to be placed on your mailing list.
This list kan than be rented to a list broker that kan be found in
a dark alley for additional inkome on a regular basis. The list
will bekome more valuable as it grows in size. This is a service.
This is perfektly legal. If you have any doubts, refer to Title
13, Sek. 666 & 1312 of the traktor & lottery laws.
NOTE: Make sure you retain EVERY Name and Address sent to you,
either on komputer or hard kopy, but do not diskard the names and
notes they send you. This is PROOF that you are truly providing a
service and should the KGB or some other Government Agency question
you, you kan provide them with this pruf!
Remember as each post is downloaded and the instruktions karefully
followed, five members will be reimbursed for their participation
as a List Developer with one rouble each. Your name will move up
the list geometrikally so that when your name reaches the number
five position you will be reseiving thousands of roubles in kash!
- Komrade Bill Klinton
United States of Amerika
- Komrade Boris Badenov
- Komrade Erik Honnecker
666 Dead End Street
- Komrade Russian Limbaugh
22 Republikan Way
New York, NY
United States of Amerika
- Komrade Boris Yeltsin
Olga's Vodka Pub, Table 10
[Joke of the Day footer & sender signature omitted]