These nose jokes came from "
Roxanne". A movie starring
Steve Martin (famous
SNL cast member, and star of The
Three Amigos! and Father of the Bride). Martin's character in "Roxanne" is a modern day portrayal of
Cyrano de Bergerac and is, shall we say,
"well equiped" in the facial area... The full list of 25 insults includes:
1. Obvious: Excuse me. Is that your nose or did a bus park on your face.
2. Meteorological: Everybody take cover. She's going to blow.
3. Fashionable: You know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore something larger. Like ...
Wyoming.
4. Personal: Well, here we are. Just the three of us.
5. Punctual: Alright gentlemen. Your nose was on time but you were fifteen minutes late.
6. Envious: Oooo, I wish I were you. Gosh. To be able to smell your own ear.
7. Naughty: Pardon me, Sir. Some of the ladies have asked if you wouldn't mind putting that thing away.
8. Philosophical: You know. It's not the size of a nose thats important. It's what's in it that matters.
9. Humorous: Laugh and the world laughs with you. Sneeze and its goodbye
Seattle.
10. Commercial: Hi, I'm Earl Schibe and I can paint that nose for $39.95.
11. Polite: Ah. Would you mind not bobbing your head. The
orchestra keeps changing
tempo.
12. Melodic: Everybody! "He's got the whole world in his nose."
13. Sympathetic: Oh, What happened? Did your parents lose a bet with
God?
14. Complememtary: You must love the little birdies to give them this to perch on.
15. Scientific: Say, does that thing there influence the
tides.
16. Obscure: Oh, I'd hate to see the
grindstone.
17. Inquiry: When you
stop to smell the flowers, are they
afraid?
18. French: Say, the pigs have refused to find any more truffles until you leave.
19. Pornographic: Finally,
a man who can satisfy two women at once.
20. Religious:
The Lord giveth and He just kept on giving, didn't He.
21. Disgusting: Say, who mows your nose hair.
22. Paranoid: Keep that guy away from my
cocaine!
23. Aromatic: It must be wonderful to wake up in the morning and smell the
coffee ... in
Brazil.
24. Appreciative: Oooo, how original. Most people just have their teeth capped.
25. Dirty: Your name wouldn't be Dick, would it?
These were followed by Steve blocking a punch from the man whose intelligence he insulted by thinking up "20" better insults, then
racking him and giving him a backhand to the face... "Has he fallen yet?"