I'm really not looking forward to returning home to my family and loved ones in the US. Odd thought. I can't wait for my enlistment contract
so I can grow some hair
, facial and otherwise; to see everyone from the old "'hood"
; and to participate in some frowned-upon activities
. It's just this whole Japanese way of doing things that's going to throw me for a loop for a long time. There's the driving-on-the-wrong-side-of-the-road thing to deal with, the fact that you can find Anime
on at any time, the cheap computer parts and the excellent mass transportation
. Those are formidable obstacles in repatriation
, but the real problems I'll be facing are with my interpersonal skills.
The following is my predicted timeline for the first few weeks:
One: Arrive in airport. Wonder why everyone's so tall.
Two: Visit McDonald's
. Almost die several times driving there. Curse at other drivers in broken Japanese. Wonder why there's no Teriyaki Burger and why no sandwiches contain egg
after 10:30am. Pimply teenage employee is very rude. Service takes more than 15 seconds. Return home, cry softly.
Three: Drive to the city. Freeway presents no problem. After parking car, wait 30 minutes at crosswalk for "WALK" light to activate. Begin to think there is a technical difficulty
. Try in vain to get police
officer to care. Wonder why only bums are sleeping on street. Decide that all the businessmen are in the Sex District. Muffler falls off Bronco II. Curse shoddy American craftsmanship.
Five: Go to Jiffy Lube. Wonder why there isn't a woman bringing me green tea. Get aggravated that work is not done in 15 minutes. Find workers outside smoking. Yell to them that they are dishonor
ing their family. They laugh. Again, I return home to cry.
Two:Decide to go drinking. First club
checks my ID. Refused for only being 20. Begin arguing with the bouncer
, then realize where I am. Cry in car.
One: Procure fake ID. Go to another club. See pretty girl
. Attempt to strike up conversation with "Do you speak english?" She laughs. Cry at bar.
Four: Notice I've gained 40 pounds from American food.
Two: Attempt club again. Wonder why the girls are not impressed by the fact that I'm American. Wonder why they don't get drunk on three drinks. Finally wake up. Start swimming to Japan.