Let's take a look at a brief history
Now we have to think back to when human kind was nothing but a bunch of primitive
tribes wandering around with bones in their hair
and shouting "yabba-dabba-doo" (like all my generation I believe that cavemen
used baby mammoth
s for vacuum
cleaners and use lame geological-related puns to name everything). Well anyway, one of these Paleolithic sage
s had to have come across the idea of "gods". And he started making one for every phenomenon
that he couldn't explain.
Lightning: "oh that Ork-ooga"
Earthquakes: "that's when Jugga-ppft blows his nose"
Floods: "caused by the mighty drool of Guuk the pig-god"
So the great shaman
tells the people that these things are caused by gods, and everyone just shrugs and goes on hunting and gathering (really, when everyday is a struggle
for survival do you have much time for appeasing and cowering? I don't think so).
From here religion began to grow, with the advent of tools and the wheel men started having more and more free time, this led to more procreation
mainly, but it also led to more time to listen to that crazy
shaman and his rantings. Well as most meme
s do, religion started to grow and spread, and every time they needed something, they found a god to pray to for it. So religion grew, gods grew. By the time the Roman
s came around they had gods for everything. Gods for love
, gods for wine
, personal gods (called genius
es), and even a god of "gee I hope my wife
doesn't find out what I did with the slave girl
Meanwhile in Egypt
there was some debate over how many gods there were, the people
knew that there were a ton of gods, but they had some wacky pharaoh
telling them that "Ra
" was the only god. The priest
s got together and strung him up by an uncomfortable appendage
. Also you had the Hebrew
s, these wacky guys wandering around the desert who only had one god. Man what are they thinking! "Who do they prey to when their tea
?" said the other nations of the world. Some nation
s thought the Hebrews were so radical
that they kill them all, but they were wiley (much like the coyote, only without the ACME
catalog to sell them defective rocket-skates
Then came along this guy Jesus
, they say he didn't have a father and some of those Hebrews said he was the son of their god. Well, we all know what the Romans did to him (once again strung up by uncomfortable appendages, and if you think that nails don't hurt, just take a shot at your cat
with the nailgun
and see what kind of noise it makes). Well enough people believed that this Jesus-dude was the son of god
and they started spreading the message to others. And they found that, "hey when people haven't actually met the guy it sounds pretty good!". So they got to converting, and pretty soon most of the world was on the "one-god bandwagon
" (with the aid of more stringing up of people by even more uncomfortable appendages).
: It seemed the Romans had a bit of a problem with this so they added a bunch of saint
s, just so they had someone to pray to when their quill
ran out of ink
, or when they were low on food, etc...
In the east they had their own gods, the the Jesus-followers eventually got there, and up till now most people live in a "one-god paradigm
". To most people this god no longer has a name, it's just called "god" (I imagine a white
being with "g-o-d" printed in black letters across it's chest
). Our deity
has been abstracted, and with each passing generation
this abstraction becomes more and more apparent. Religion is on the wane
, the percentage of population who no longer believes in any diety grows with each passing generation. A few centuries from now people will look on our religion (and dub it "mythology
") the same way we do now to the ancient
beliefs of the Greek
s and Norse people.
Yes I know there are many inaccuracies in this node, but it is meant to be more humorous than accurate.
Rook: This is satire
and was never meant to be accurate. (did you read
the writeup, or just the node title?