So it's been a while since good old Rachel from Cardholder Services called, but I do get a hell of a lot of calls on my cell phone these days from people I have never heard of, from places that have never heard of me.

Not worth anwering, of course. If it's not a scam then they can either leave a message or be content to never receive a call back.

But what if -- you were forced to answer it? What if say, you were being held hostage, and your phone buzzed, and the hostagers demanded you answer the phone so they could know who was trying to rescue you?

Just imagine.

"Alright, now here's what's going to happen. You're going to tell me where the ruby is -- "

"I told you I don't know!"

"Bullshit. You're the heir to the Asquith family bloodline. You always know where the ruby is. So you can tell me, or Bob here can start breaking fingers."

"I've kind of been hoping for robot hands anyway -- "

*bzz bzz bzz*

"Answer it."

"It's from Flatonia Texas."

"Well, answer it."

*bzz bzz bzz*

"I don't know anyone in Flatonia! I don't know anyone in Texas! It's probably a scam call."

"Just answer the fucking phone."

*bzz bzz bzz*

"Jeez, fine! Hello?"

"Hi, this is Rachel from Cardholder Services, calling about your account."

"Yeah, I knew it. Here. Have the goddamn phone."

"I'm not gonna give myself away here."

"Just take the fucking phone!"

"You're not giving the orders around here buddy. Who's on the line?"


"Rachel who."

"Rachel from Cardholder Services."

"Don't give me that crap. What is it, Bob?"

"You gotta relax, Jeff. You have an itchy trigger finger anyway. Here. I'll take the phone and figure this out. Hello?...What card are you talking about?...You're not listening -- you're not -- Damn, it really is one of those scam calls. Alright, I'll sort this out."

"What are you doing to my phone? Don't point a gun at the phone! What are you -- "


"You destroyed my phone! No wait, you didn't. How -- you shot my phone. Where did the bullet go?"

"Let's just say I took care of the problem for everyone. Now, where were we? Oh yes. You're going to tell us where the ruby is..."

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