The Pussy Snorkel
is a deceptively simple device which, if the website is to be believed, "allows a man to continue breathing while performing oral sex
on a woman in a spa
, bathtub or even a bowl of green Jell-O
." The purpose behind the snorkel is simple: it is very difficult to breathe
while face deep in your lady's moist and fluffy bits
I happened to stumble upon this internet cult website after some IRC banter one day, and, being in a relationship that doesn't cower at the prospect of humorous experimentation, I went ahead and ordered one.
The Pussy Snorkel comes in two colours: black with yellow trim, or clear with glow-in-the-dark trim. The website also sells massage oils and t-shirts with a very amateurish graphic of the head of a cat wearing goggles and aforementioned snorkel. I chose the glow-in-the-dark number for added frivolity, and promptly forgot all about it.
Come six weeks later, I find a message that I had a package awaiting pickup at the local post office. Expecting to find an eBay purchase or something, my other half and I trundled off, handed over the slip of paper, and were handed a thin, light parcel in plain packaging. Walking out, curiosity got the better of me. I ripped open the envelope and pulled out cardboard box, blatantly stating PUSSY SNORKEL. I choked on my laughter, stuffed the box back its anonymous brown wrapper, and ran to the car. What ensued is one of the more bizarre driving experiences I've had - particularly the first time I glanced at my passenger, tubes coming out from the back of his head, a large fluorescent yellow chunk of rubber stuffed up his nose, with the sound of air being blown in and out of a thin (and rather smelly) tube.
In the interest of research I am writing this piece while wearing the snorkel, rubber tubing wrapped around my head, nostril inserts imprinting themselves into my forehead, to better describe its features and peculiarities. I look plain silly.
The Pussy Snorkel is a ~70cm long piece of soft polyethylene tubing, the ends capped with firmer, fluorescent yellow rubber, a matching heart-shaped slide holding the two ends together, which can be adjusted to create a snug fit once the snorkel is put on. The nostril insert is a rubber attachment at the tube's midpoint, with two soft cone-shaped appendages to stick up your nose and a tiny Pussy Snorkel icon embossed into the front for added stimulation for your lady friend. That's as complicated as the whole thing gets really.
So, you've read this far, and I'm guessing you want to know if it's worth spending 13 or so US dollars on. For sheer comedy value, buy one; you will get your money's worth, but for horny lovemaking sessions with your life or one-night-only partner? I think you'll be a little disappointed.
My boyfriend was definitely up for trying it out (all in the name of research and, well, muff diving), so he bravely knelt at the foot of the bed, all manly, tubes poking out all over the place, and went to work. Our findings: The nostril bit got in the way somewhat. It twisted around, thoroughly waxing the inside of his nose with rubbery friction. Condensation formed in the tubing, slowly filling it with steamy droplets of moisture which was in no part mine, and he found breathing was even more difficult than trying to breathe through his ears like he usually does. My continuous fits of giggles every time I looked down wouldn't have helped either, I'm guessing. Needless to say, the snorkel was flung, and he resumed, much more successfully, the way nature intended.
The Pussy Snorkel was invented and is manufactured and distributed by The Dr. Richard Head Company. To see the Pussy Snorkel at its internet home, go to http://pussysnorkel.com/.