He told me he thought of me all day, me.. mixed in with all of those other thoughts floating around in his mind and I found myself wondering why that made me smile. I found myself twisting this reality into something else, an alternative reality so to speak, so that I could deal with it in a way that made just a bit more sense. I believed him when he said it, that's the problem. In my alternative reality I believed it and it was good to believe, it was the right thing, as opposed to the utter confusion it holds here in my primary reality.

He makes me smile like few can anymore, since all of that stuff that seems almost secondary now happened. But it's not secondary, it's right there, right there kind of haunting, drifting in and out of my mind but mostly in. I don't want to fall in love, not now.. I don't think he wants to either, but I don't know.. it's all quite strange, and it feels almost as if I fell from my reality into this alternative, rather than just taking a glimpse as per usual.

I remember thinking, at some time or another, that if I could, I'd probably choose to live in the reality I'm used to, just because I've grown tired of so much change. I don't know anymore though, I think I saw something really neat there, in that other place that I've yet to explore fully.. it was probably him. It's just.. what happens to this reality if I delve into another? I'm almost afraid to let it slip away..

"It's crazy what you could've had.. I need this, I need this.." - Michael Stipe

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