Oog first caveman scientist! Oog have laboratory made of rocks and fancy rocks in cave! Oog even make lab coat from animal skins!
Oog graduate summa cum laude from cave in hills. Oog make Oog parents very proud! Oog father disappointed at first, because he want Oog be rock repairman too. But Oog have special calling.
Oog study mainly rocks and mixing thing together at cave, with minor in English lit. Oog massage connections right out of school because Oog very smart! Witch doctor say Oog head slope right way for smart! Oog very smart! Oog get job as intern with Grond and Thunk Incorporated!
Grond and Thunk big manufacturing concern! Make mostly big rocks that can be put next to caves. Many years later, G & T make first wheel! Oog no take credit, because Oog not work there any more. That okay! Oog still make plenty big time contribution!
You no believe? Oog sad! Oog so sad he club you! But wait, Oog no have club. Oog very forgetful cave professor type. Okay, so Oog show you what Oog mean. When Oog just intern, Oog discover new process for making rock into little rocks! In old times, everybody smash rock into heads! Oog discover new ergonomic method of smashing rock into big rocks. Take long time to perfect! Oog try many different rock before he find one that no shatter!
Oog also invent first snowboard! But Oog village no have snow, so Oog just call it “Board.” Plenty big fun for little Cro-Magnons! You buy this year model! Have rad racing stripes that give it zing!
Oog getting distracted! There big fancy point to all this!
Oog quit job at big manufacturing concern. Oog need freedom to pursue own ideas! Oog tired of thinking outside cave, want to work outside cave! So Oog become field researcher. Oog get own laboratory with money from patents, hire some kids getting credit at cave! Oog go out into Big Red Hills to look for interesting scientific discovery.
Oog not find much! There not much in ground, because God not yet bury dinosaur bone as practical joke. Oog find joke funny! You not? Ha, Oog still think funny.
Finally, Oog find special rock! Special glowy rock! Make Oog feel great! Oog get credit for it, send kids back to cave! All scientific journals write about him! Oog even make cover of Pretime!
Rock make Oog very special! Only rock like it. Oog name it Oogonium after Oog! It make Oog live a long long time. That why Oog still here writing this to you! Oog still around. Now big researcher at Lockheed Martin! Make big rock to throw at enemy!
Oog like letter! You write Oog letter? Will respond with funny pictures and anecdotes! Here Oog address:
Big science building
Near the mall
Oog need go! You like Oog story? No? Think stupid and rambling? That okay. Oog not like your nodes either! Oog writing style just affectation to get chicks, anyway! Oog much smarter than you, can write real good!
Please write Oog letter!