I'm sitting at the library thinking, I want to change my life. I'm reading a book, several of them in fact, and my problem has always been I'm more interested in the theories of change than how to implement said changes into my life. I had to start someplace and I've been meaning to get back here for a while. Whatever it is about this place, I miss it and the people here. New at work - after we got rid of an assistant manager position we created another one and promoted someone who pretended they didn't know what to do before inventory. I have strong feelings about this, I've never been able to hide how I feel and this is no exception. Once my respect and trust are gone, they're probably not coming back.

New at home - my oldest has a job at a local grocery store. It's been interesting to watch her career develop. She's a workaholic like both of her parents. I'm glad she has found a place that makes her feel good about what she can contribute, I love the idea that she is becoming more independent and spending time with peers she wouldn't meet at school, and not in love with the toll it takes on her health. Today I picked her up from school and made her shower before giving her a ride into work. Hygiene continues to be an issue and I'll be discussing this with her again when I pick her up tonight. Frustrating to say the least.

Another thing I've done is booked a time slot for a footwear presentation. I need a side hustle and a lot of people need help with their footwear. I typed up an outline and realized I needed a flyer. I learned that marketing is my weak suit and I'm a strong outliner. I would have guessed this would be the other way around, but I guess I naturally think in an outline type format. I spent a lot of time working on it and I think the final product reflects the fact that I am knowledgeable and organized. The first day was fairly hellish, I was rusty, did not have my thoughts in order, and struggled to get what I wanted to say onto the screen. I asked my mom for help and left her place in a glum mood.

When I returned the next day things flowed much more smoothly. I saw errors I had missed before, and it wasn't long before I was largely satisfied with the final product. I don't know if anyone has signed up for the presentation, next time I will do a better job of trying to sell it. This is a work in progress and I'm choosing to be proud of myself for getting what I did together rather than angry with myself for not pushing my agenda harder. I dropped a copy of my flyer and outline off with a physical therapist I went to and my chiropractor. Both were very encouraging, a lot of my friends were supportive, it's good to be back regardless of where it leads.

New on the money front - I went to see a new financial advisor. He didn't really tell me anything I didn't already know, but he did help me with a couple things. I'm on track to retire with very little money, but I don't anticipate having a lot of expenses either which is good. I cut back what I had been contributing to my retirement plan at work. This was a temporary move and I'm okay with that. I want to build up an emergency fund. I was overly aggressive with my contributions, this is a mistake I made in the past that I'm hopefully done making. I handed paperwork to a woman I work with and I hope she decides to contribute the minimum. If not, her loss and I have to learn to let go of the people who have potential, but don't act on expert advice. 

Baseball has fallen off of my priority list and I'm working to get it back up there. Last night's game was insane. I have no regrets and feel that the 5 hours and 17 minutes were an investment in my leisure and pleasure rather than a waste of time where I could have been sleeping. It was wild, it was crazy, it was glorious. Words are inadequate which you know if you watched any of that game. Last weekend I went to a small romantic town and walked around with a friend. I applied for a job at a local airport, didn't get it, and decided I want to learn how to fly. This is an expensive hobby so I need to budget accordingly, still, a big dream is better than no dream at all, and I'm excited about the idea.

My youngest came home this past weekend. She did laundry and slept. It was great to see her, but there were some moments that were not so great. I'm getting better at identifying the people who are my real friends and distancing myself from those who are not. This has not been an easy task. I met someone that I thought was very different from me, but it turns out I need to work on identifying the people who are actually too much like myself. It was a very interesting revelation that prompted a lot of reflection. Why am I the way that I am? How can I better see myself in others and how can I learn how to interact with these people such as my youngest daughter so there is harmony rather than conflict?

Getting out of my place and out of my head has been good for me. I want a different car. I want to live somewhere else. I want to do cool things and have new adventures. I want to save money, stick to my budget, be a mentor to others, give generously, live larger, more sustainably, find a job that pays me something closer to what I'm actually worth without giving up what I have in my boss who remains a staunch supporter of mine. One cool thing I ran across was a blog post that suggested writing down one thing you like and another you dislike about someone else. I was trying to find resources for a friend who wants to get over a guy, but this exercise has been valuable in showing me more of who I am and what I like and dislike about myself. 

Until next time,


P.S. This took approximately 21 minutes to write, but the therapeutic benefits are far reaching. I'm proud of myself for committing to this post despite the miserable weather. 

Log in or register to write something here or to contact authors.