During chorus I noticed that my hands and feet have prickly, pin and needle sensations. And yet feel numb. Parasthesia.

I'm quite sure it's because I've been trying to block pain, painful feelings.

So when I got home and went to bed, I tried to go towards the pain, instead of away from it. I had the opportunity, because I was alone. No one would tell me not to. It wouldn't hurt anyone but me. And does emotional pain hurt us? Does it do tissue damage? Does it damage the brain? I think that trying not to feel emotional pain is what causes damage. Blocking it, burying it. A broken leg is a different sort of pain, and I'm not saying we should do surgery without pain medicines.

I woke up at 4:30 and I could feel my feet and hands. And all my muscles ached. I lay there thinking about fibromyalgia, with all of the painful muscles and oversensitized pain receptors. In fibromyalgia the muscles continue to tell the brain there is pain, or the brain cells continue to receive that message, though we can't tell why. If the pain message can move muscles to brain, can it go brain to muscles? I thought, yes, let's let all of that emotional pain move into my muscles. Then I will get up and stretch and move and move the pain out through the muscles. I may have slept a little, and felt stiffer and stiffer.

I got up at 7:00 and started stretching and working out. Gently stretching and then more forcefully. My muscles moved from irritably tight to more normal to strong again.

My feet are still prickly. Emotions don't move that quickly. I can't move it all in one night.

But I can move it.

It is 3:16 AM and I have been awake for 1 hour now. Piled into the bed of my small hotel room, I've decided to tackle my time differential from traveling by actually trying to get some writing accomplished.

Yesterday was a long day of airports and shuttles and interstate and I successfully arrived here in crisp Bellevue, Washington just after 4:00 PM. This is my first visit to the Pacific Northwest, and the mountains and forests flying in were everything I expected. The Seattle and Tacoma area, however, still has some living up to do. Granted, I drove straight from the airport to the Microsoft campus, completely circumventing downtown Seattle, but I guess I expected more uniqueness, bookstores, independent businesses, etc. and less of the same shit you see everywhere in the United States. For a lot of people my age, Seattle represents a type of youthful Shangri La. It is where the music of my high school years intersects with the companys that grew out of my college interests.

But maybe I'm being too harsh and basing some of my judgments around the interactions I had at Microsoft.

When I say that the Microsoft campus is large, I don't mean that it has a few large buildings, but instead covers block after block with the same three and four story structures that have been made to look slightly less soulless by filling the areas between them with expensive landscaping. Disclaimer: I do not have a long love affair with this company, but let me assure you that I came with an open mind. But after two receptionists and one security guard passing me off in a circle only to arrive within 15 feet of my initial starting point, I began to feel like this was a real world incarnation of an actual Microsoft software product. I began to suspect that a blue screen of death was waiting around a corner for me.

In a touch of irony that was so amazing it could only have been intentional, when I finally reached the registration desk they were using Apple laptops to sign in conference members. At least they have a sense of humor.

On the airplane I had made big plans to get a lot of writing done since I would be in a quiet hotel room with voice recognition, and I have yet to submit my horror quest writeup. But it has taken me a full hour to get this written, and I haven't even put the markup in it yet.

If any of you have visited the Seattle area before and have recommendations for me to visit, please share them in a message. Most of my time is going to be filled with conference proceedings, but I at least want to get over to the Experience Music Project to see the horror movie exhibit.

Hope everyone has a great week!

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