During chorus I noticed that my hands and feet have prickly, pin and needle sensations. And yet feel numb. Parasthesia.
I'm quite sure it's because I've been trying to block pain, painful feelings.
So when I got home and went to bed, I tried to go towards the pain, instead of away from it. I had the opportunity, because I was alone. No one would tell me not to. It wouldn't hurt anyone but me. And does emotional pain hurt us? Does it do tissue damage? Does it damage the brain? I think that trying not to feel emotional pain is what causes damage. Blocking it, burying it. A broken leg is a different sort of pain, and I'm not saying we should do surgery without pain medicines.
I woke up at 4:30 and I could feel my feet and hands. And all my muscles ached. I lay there thinking about fibromyalgia, with all of the painful muscles and oversensitized pain receptors. In fibromyalgia the muscles continue to tell the brain there is pain, or the brain cells continue to receive that message, though we can't tell why. If the pain message can move muscles to brain, can it go brain to muscles? I thought, yes, let's let all of that emotional pain move into my muscles. Then I will get up and stretch and move and move the pain out through the muscles. I may have slept a little, and felt stiffer and stiffer.
I got up at 7:00 and started stretching and working out. Gently stretching and then more forcefully. My muscles moved from irritably tight to more normal to strong again.
My feet are still prickly. Emotions don't move that quickly. I can't move it all in one night.
But I can move it.